There is a man walking outside of my window, smoking a cigarette. Those two are seperate things because he isn't doing them at the same time. He walks a couple steps, stops, inhales, exhales, walks a couple steps, stops, inhales, exhales, and continues to repeat this process... I guess it's true, guys can't multi task :-p

Someone hit the Porsche today, the poor car is having a bad week... first some kids steel the valve caps, and try to pull off the emblem off the front of the car, then today some idiot at an intersection ran right into the back of the car because he saw the turning lane move and thought the light had changed. Poor car is hurting this week!

Well, despite the rather gloomy weather I am feeling quite good today. I heard from a friend who has been traveling and the fact that they are having a great time makes me happy. Unfortunately I have to take another really good friend to the airport this evening so they can catch a plane out to BC to visit their older sister for a week. I'm going to miss her but I know she will have a great time, and everyone needs to get away once in a while. I am really busy at work today so I don't have time to write anything major, although I do have a great weekend planned. I decided to take some initiative such as Sloth did in her Ex-Poet post and rummage through my old papers. While doing so I found this interesting Writers Craft assignment... I like it, even though it's a little weird.. Enjoy:

The brisk wind blows through the slits of the park bench as it sits in this lifeless park. The rusty swings creaking with every gust of wind as they animate like they once did when children came to play. Drifts of snow run wild across the empty fields, settling in heaps upon the solitary wooden bench. As they slowly pile it becomes concealed and slips not only from sight but also from mind. The only sound heard is the crying wind as it blows over the deserted playground, where laughter is never heard. Hills once used for tobogganing are left desolate; the field where snowmen once lived is flat. All alone it stands.

It's been years since I last heard the playful laughter of the young children who once played here. Since I have heard the intriguing conversations between the passing community. It has been years since I have seen the elderly men feeding breadcrumbs to the masses of pigeons. Since I have seen the Father and son couples sailing homemade boats in the pond. It has been years since I last felt the love between young couples that sat upon my curved surface. Since I have felt anything. I am all alone now, my once flashy, smooth surface has been worn away after years of use, and then years of abandonment. When I look upon myself I now see long deep cracks that run through my wood. Pieces broken off from the weather I must endure. Names carved into my surface have been worn off. Graffiti covers me, front and back. Nobody even cares. The screws, which hold me in place, attached to Mother Nature, are rusting and I begin to lift away.

Like the bench the park is alone, nobody cares. The fields once alive with games of soccer and football, with children playing hopscotch and tag on the blacktop are no longer important. Nobody comes to walk their dog through the woods, or play on the jungle gym which now stands rusting and broken. Everything has been forgotten all alone it stands.

Last night was Sean's surprise 19th birthday party. K did an amazing job throwing it together, so congrats babe! It was at Jack Darling Park, in Mississauga, cute place. We set everything up, okay, there wasn't much setting up, but we did fill and plant the torches, which later caught on fire... bad bad story lol. The funniest part before Sean got there was the two people swimming in the lake.
Sami: "they're going to come out with a third leg."
Caitlin: "and not the good kind."
We had already set up for his arrival, torches lit (well the ones we didn't have to blow out to avoid catching the bushes and ourselves on fire), people hidden, and water balloons in hand. He comes around the corner, with a blindfold on (good thing because we sucked at hiding), our arms were poised and ready, we yelled SURPRISE and let go... most of them didn't explode on initial impact because they were normal balloons just filled with water, but he was still pretty wet by the end of the attack... as were a few other people. He didn't really seem surprised, we didn't really think he would be after a certain e-mail, but still, I don't think he expected the water balloons. Main thing is that he had fun.

After that everyone went back to Sami's house and I booted it to say good bye to a friend. Had a nice hour there, headed back into Oakville, back to Sami's house, only to find nearly everyone plastered. Cassy walked to meet me, so she was swerving down Devon when I picked her up, she's "a good walker". *lol* Had a great time there, a bunch of people went swimming, the dog ate a hot dog... James: "Hey, that dogs licking the hot dog... *10 second delay* Hey dog, don't eat that! *10 second delay* -walks over to dog who already has taken hot dog- The dog ate the hot dog." Good job James. I tried to stick around until Sean came back from his little walk :-p but had to get home since I had work today. So, Happy Birthday Seany boy!

I'm going to miss these people, I have now spent a full 3 months with them (since a month of my summer was spent away) and while I can't wait to go on to my next year of university, I will still miss our late night movies and talks.

Summer 2004...
Ashley

"I have bad news, you aren't going to like this." That's all he had to say to me and I knew something was wrong. My stomach instantly clenched into a tight little ball and the room began to spin, this had to be the worst sentence in the world. I began to lower myself into the chair so I wouldn't crumple to the floor. This couldn't be happening, not to me. He sat down next to me, placing a hand on my knee, an attempt to comfort my ragged emotions. The tears were welling in my eyes. I looked into his eyes, he couldn't make eye contact with me, this had to be bad.
Maybe to be continued...

Just calling Mike about this one wasn't enough, have to share it with the world.
So, we are sitting here and my Mom says to me, "is that kid stealing the emblem off the Porsche!?" I laugh and say "no", then actually look, "shit, YES!" So she boots it outside and catches the two kids, looks like they are about 11 years old, my Dad is talking to her so I say "some kids are stealing the emblem off your car, Mom just took off after them." Now we have my Dad racing outside. My Dad is a fairly small man, but he is one of those people that I would always want on my side of any argument. After competing in numerous athletic events (downhill mountain bike racing, triathlons, road bike races, even Ironman), and being that he is a scary lawyer, his temper is less then nice. So he starts yelling at the kids, I can hear it through the windows and bricks between us. Drags the two kids in the office, at which point they are still trying to break away and run. We get names, addresses and phone numbers from the kids and then my Dad calls the cops and their Mom's... of course you have to pull the Mom card. So, the one kid (let's call him Dark because of the colour of his hair) keeps trying to bolt out of the office while the other kid (let's call him Blonde) has tears running down the sides of his cheeks. The Mom of Blonde shows up and asks to go see the car, so my Dad escorts her out with Blonde and shows the damage all the while explaining the situation. My Dad comes back in alone and Blonde confesses to his Mom. Apparently these kids have been doing it to a bunch of cars in Oakville and have hoarded them in the forest, they came yesterday and stole the metal (and expensive) bolts off the Porsche yesterday and today came back for the ever powerful emblem. Dark was supposedly doing all the work and Blonde was learning the tricks of the trade. Blonde took his Mom to the forest to see the hoard, only they couldn't find it, apparently he hadn't been the one storing it there another one of the miscreants had. They come back, tell us they will be a bit longer and leave again, this time coming back not only with the loot but another kid that was involved. By this point the police officer was here, needless to say the kids were shitting their pants. New kid's parents (let's call him Brown because he had light brown hair) never came but the police officer was going to make a personal visit to their house this evening once the parents were home from work. Because the kids were so young charges couldn't be pressed, but after been scared shitless they were given a formal written police warning, if they get caught again it's serious time. In the mean while Blonde's Mom asks what the punishment would have been if they weren't so young... 100 hours of community service, which they WILL be doing as a small part of their parents punishment. I don't think it scared Dark very much, but Blonde kept crying, Brown just sat there. This is the most action I have seen at work since being here! Poor kids, they are never going to be allowed to do ANYTHING fun again, grounded for life takes on a whole new meaning.

Called a client's house today:
Me: Hi, this is Ashley, am I speaking with Christine?
Other side: No, this is her son, she is out right now.
Me: Oh, um... *inside head saying SHIT SHIT SHIT*

Conversation between my Dad and I:
Dad: Mrs. Hagley's mortgage documents, Ashley, do you remember her?
Me: No... should I?
Dad: Yeah, you went to day care at her house!
Me: Dad, I was 3. Do you think I remember the last name of someone when I was 3?
Dad: Yeah, why not?

I just got off the phone with Mike, not the same time as yesterday, but probably the same time as tomorrow conversation will be. Thursday is going to be the first day I won't be talking to Mike on the phone at least once a day. It's going to be tough to handle, but I mean, it's not like I would ever consider sacraficing my education just so I could stay within the area. That's stupid. Plus, I love Laurier, and I know we will still talk on a frequent basis. But still, I hate saying good bye to my best friend. He's the first person I have to say good bye to as everyone is leaving, then again, he is the first I will see after moving in lol.

I have some pictures from the trip to the CN Tower and the pub, I will post a couple of them:
The city at sunset... 

Sunset falls over the city buildings.. 


The Rock, Erin and I at the top of the CN Tower at sunset...
Ashley

Me, falling off the CN Tower, see, I look scared!
Ashley

Cheers! At the pub later that night
Ashley

Aww, how cute!
Ashley

We look wrecked, it was a long walk back to Yoav's lol
Ashley

The key to a trim and healthy body is very simple to follow that I have decided to share my long known secret. It's well known that exercise and eating properly lead to a healthy lifestyle. But if you really want to lose weight and keep it off allow me to suggest my own exercise regime. Sex. That's right, have lots of sex! You don't even have to take it all the way to the sex, fooling around burns enough calories in itself! A person my size burns an average of 18 calories every 15 minutes of foreplay and 70 calories every 20 minutes of sex, it's better then riding a bike! So, if you ever wonder how to keep a nice trim healthy figure, have sex, I mean, common, if you look good who wouldn't want to see you naked! :-p

Well, last night was awesome. That's the truth, I can't think of a moment when I wasn't exceptionally happy, wait, when we almost died. I met up with Mike after work in Toronto, then we went to the Bay.. yadda yadda (not important). We were walking to meet Erin at University and Adelaide and we ALMOST DIED! Like seriously, this one car almost hit the other car and they slammed on their breaks, and screeched to a halt about 3 feet from us. Had they not stopped in time then the car being hit would have been shot towards us, and if that same car hadn't been there then the other idiot would have hit us! So, yeah inches from death, kind of funny now, but at the time, a little bit scary.

Once the night actually started, and we did the 25 min walk to the CN tower from where we parked the car near the bar my feet were kind of sore... they are now wrecked. They look horrible today, but it's all for the new shoes, had to break them in. Erin, Mike and I met up with Arnaud (Arno), Pebble (The Rock), Andres, and Yoav at the CN tower and watched the sun set and the lights in the city being turned on. I never thought about the traffic as being scenery, but the break lights on Lakeshore looked very cool. And Arno even got some pictures of the "zoom, zoom" (you know how when people take pictures of moving vehicles at night you can see the motion lines... well that's zoom, zoom). We had a ton of fun, they were great guys, good thing I have no problem with new people and socializing lol. We took lots of pictures... no no, I mean Arno and The Rock took LOTS of pictures lol. Even one of me falling off the CN Tower, nice close-up on the face... I mean common I had to make it look believable, I WAS falling to my death! After the CN tower we took the 25 minute walk to the bar. Yoav, Erin, Mike and I walked, the other babies cabbed it :-p. On the walk back we had to hop a fence, and I almost fell on the posts and had them impale my bum! lol.

Had a great time at the bar, the first beer was good, even though I couldn't hold the glass with one hand (Hoegarden), and the second was gross, but the third (Stella) -which I later spilt was good. Mike got a fourth and it was kind of nasty, left a weird after taste in your throat. Unfortunately, like all things, the sababbanight had to end.

Mike and I walked back to Yoav's place, we were originally planning on all driving back to Oakville, but one thing led to another and someone *coughMikecough* thought it would be easier to stay in Toronto, so we did. Anyways, Erin and Yoav drove the Volvo, but being the good girl that I am... I don't get in cars with people who have been drinking. By the time we got back Erin was almost passed out and Yoav was ready for bed, they snagged the two mattresses upstairs (guess it's only fair because they were first, and it's his house lol) while Mike and I were banished to sleeping downstairs. They have like 8 couches! Yadda yadda, more unimportant, such as me falling off a couch and Mike talking in his sleep LOL.

Had to get up at 7:00 this morning after going to bed at 3:30 last night, and I actually woke up at 5:30 and never really got back to sleep (I think I was worried that I would sleep through the alarm). I had to slip back in the jeans that were beer soaked last night (my fault) and they smelt horrible which really did nothing for my icky feeling stomach. I had to catch the Subway around 7:20 then the GoTrain at 7:55 arriving me in Oakville at a crisp 8:40, rush home, shower and change then speed to work, making it by a very nice 9:05! I hurt in places I really shouldn't hurt... going to take a couple days for these muscles to relax lol.

When I get home, there was a parcel waiting on my door step with my FREE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS ZIPPERED FLEECE!! I got it when I got my credit card, it was a package deal! COOL EH!

All in all, I had a great night, I will put some pictures up a little bit later, but for now, just trust me! :)

This all began with an interesting phone call I took off the machine this morning: Never leaving her name she says that she understands we are the lawyer for Joe Schmoe and has to say that she is disgusted by the things he has done to her. She goes on to tell us about her father who was taken from her in an untimely manner and how Joe apparently killed her dogs, and has put a bug in her bedroom invading her privacy. Saying the Police and Firefighters will be entering her home and removing the bug and that further actions will be taken at a later time, ending the message with a big ol' "Thank God we aren't in Florida." How that was related I have no clue. So we call Joe who happens to be a close friend and very powerful and highly respected member of society. Word hasn't come back yet from him, but this lady has clearly hit her head a couple too many times.
UPDATE: So we just got a call from another lawyers office in town, Brian King, they were giving us a nice little update on the crazy lady. Apparently she went into their office this morning yelling that "All the Oakville lawyers are going to get it and are going to get it too." She said she is going to get some police officer killed and that because of the corruption amongst the areas lawyers and police force her son, father and two dogs have been killed. We still aren't entirely sure what her deal is, she wouldn't even give her name, but she is definitely stepping over that crazy line into psychotic! And I am a little scared...

You know, sometimes I just feel like my world is spinning out of control. Today seems to be one of those days. I don't know why really, I went to bed smiling, I woke up... okay not smiling but that's because it was early, and came to work smiling, why wouldn't I be happy? But since being here it kind of feels like I am losing control. I don't even know what of! Maybe it's the random death threats we have been receiving, or because a friend of mine doesn't respect something that I asked of them... maybe it's just because it's time for it to happen. I'm not sad, I'm lonely but not sad. Loneliness happens a lot at work, I have my own office so I don't see people very much, and when I do it's generally work related... the few conversations I have with Gina (the only other young person here... aka under 40) are interspersed between a couple days. I need a hug really badly today, I need someone to grab me so my world stops spinning, just showing they care.

My shoulder hurts so much today, I just want to cry, I don't know why they can't make it better, why don't the pain killers work any more! Just make it stop, please make it stop.


Tinkerbell


Who 's Your Inner Sexy Cartoon Chick ?
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If you have an issue with the things written on my blog then say something to me about it, not to an outside party, or better yet, DON'T READ MY BLOG. This isn't a difficult concept, try and grasp it.

You know how I just said about the dizziness? Well today has been a REALLY bad day, I am really sick today :( The only solution that I have found for this problem is putting my head down and closing my eyes... doesn't work while I'm at work unfortunately.

This post shall be called Whirlwind because I have so much going on in my head that I want to get out, and very little of it will flow together.... :D

Things @ Work- I work in a law office, Monday to Friday, 9-5, and I have to say that we have some of the strangest clients.
Frank: There is this one man who has been calling a lot recently, apparently Frank is unhappy with the service we have been thus far providing him. Not entirely sure what this man's issue was we kept attempting to call him back, he would never answer his phone and didn't have voice mail. And so, thinking we were ignoring him, he kept calling, every time happening to get our machine and leaving an angry message. Finally, his agent gives us a call asking what's going on, good question, we were wondering the same thing. Turns out this guy was so incredibly pissed off because we told him we couldn't guarantee a time for him to have the moving trucks arranged. Unbelievable. The solution to this problem (since it is impossible to give an exact time for closing on any given day, much less a busy one like when his deal will be closing): moving his closing date by a day so he can arrange the truck for the original closing date and have the key the day before... I mean honestly, could he not have moved his stuff the day after closing? The way he is doing it now he has to go to his bank and apply for/arrange a bridge loan, which isn't necessarily a hard thing, but way more of a hassle for him then it was before! Somehow, us not being able to give him a time, be it wrong or right, has made him think we are giving bad service... I'm sorry but people that sensitive shouldn't be associating with the public.
Baby Lady: You know those weird people who call home when they are out to leave a message on the machine for the cat, because they think the sound of their voice will comfort this little feline (while in reality it's probably scaring the shit out of them because there is a voice coming from a box on the counter and no person around)? Well, these are the same kinds of people who put their children on the phone to talk to some unsuspecting person. This woman called in a couple weeks ago to ask some question about her impending closing and all of a sudden she said "She wants to talk." and then proceeds to put her infant child on the phone with me... yeah, that's normal. So I am talking to this strangers kid, not entirely knowing what to say to someone with zero vocabulary and no connection to me at all. I asked her what her name was, received no response, told her my name, and then we sat in silence for about 5 minutes... what was this mother thinking!? I mean do they honestly think that their lawyer's office wants to talk to an infant on the phone for 5 minutes while we could be doing something actually productive?! News flash, we don't.
The Son: There was a message on the machine this morning, and I'm not sure if the man leaving it though before speaking, because it sounds like he didn't to me. He says "My mother is selling her house to me, I'm the son." Because I thought you were the daughter?
General Client Pet Peeves:
1) When you call and leave a message, say your phone number... if you can't remember it, don't put the phone on hold while you go find someone that does!
2) Better then a phone number, leave your name. While I do posses magical powers (:-p) reading minds isn't one of them.
3) Don't say stupid things, like "if I leave the keys in the house then how will I lock the door?" Well, we have a couple options, you could go out the garage, or you could use the back door (there is noting in your house to be stolen!) or better yet, use the key you're about to bring to our office!
4) If you don't know the name of the lawyer you're dealing with, then maybe you should pay better attention, or get another lawyer.
5) Don't ask me when you have to be out of the house by, it says so in your agreement! It's 6:00, it's ALWAYS 6:00.
6) When you tell someone they have a phone call and they ask which line it's on... how about the only one flashing! Better yet, the only one that has a person on the other end!
Okay, that made me feel a little better... there are more but I will stop *hehe*

School- It has recently been brought to my attention that I have more optional books then I have mandatory books. This just doesn't seem right to me! I mean, they are option, so you don't HAVE to get them, but aren't you considered a bad student if you don't go above and beyond the requirements? I mean, I can spend the extra $200 on the optional books and be a "keener" or I could just not get them and coast by like the majority of my classmates will be doing... I haven't decided what to do yet, I think I will just wait until the issue comes up in the semester and buy them then if needed.

Sickness- For those of you who know me you will be aware of the fact that I have been suffering from really sick dizzy spells... they went away for a while, but now they are back. At first I thought it was because I wasn't drinking enough water, so I drink gallons a day, obviously not enough water isn't the issue. K told me to watch the road while driving (I think that's because she was in the car at the time though lol) Mike suggested it's because I don't eat very much... but I have never eaten a lot and I am exercising less now then I was before, so I doubt that is it. Now have to go see the bloody doctor, I'm going to put it off for a couple more months and hopefully it will get better again... they are going to want to take my blood! I HATE needles with a passion... especially when they are taking a vital substance out of me!!! Anyone want to diagnose me without the blood work, I'm open to options here people.

Friends- Tom has come to the group of us and suggested a GREAT idea... a little trip away from the "stress" of work, one last excursion before the strain of school work begins again. I think this is a fabulous idea, I don't know that I can do it, because I already have something planned for the Saturday evening of this trip, but if it happens to be at a close location where I can come back an afternoon early, I am way more then game! Sounds like a blast to me! :D

I should go, my shoulder is absolutely killing me and I already took my pain killers for the day... only 2 more hours and I can take more, until then, I'm going to try and work without my computer (although that means nasty labourous work that I do not enjoy)

I'm sorry, but this seems absolutely ridiculous! Do we really need to have our highly paid detectives investigating whether Cici the cat was poisoned or hit by a car? Shouldn't that have been pretty obvious?! They took numerous tests before discovering that the cat had numerous broken bones... duh!
Auto probably killed Cici the cat, experts say

I used this word a lot yesterday. I sat at home all night waiting for the hours to pass, I had to stay in, or else I would have had to rush home, and I hate to rush. I had to do something very important at 10:00. Lija sent me a very distressed e-mail yesterday morning, she was in trouble, I couldn't be there to help her so what else was I to do? I called. Damn time difference I had to wait until night time here so that she would be awake and I wouldn't be charging my hour long overseas phone call to the office. I miss Lija so much, and because I am here and she is there, I don't know how to make her feel better. Nothing I suggested seemed to work. She said that he is at the bar or his friends are and that upsets her, I said, go to a different bar, she pointed out that there are only 3 in town... I don't know what to do. Thousands of miles away from me, and all I can do is call her, e-mail her, let her know I care about her. She is going away to Brisbane to visit Tams at the beginning of September, it will get her out of Alice Springs, which is a good thing, although she refuses to accept that they are broken up and won't be looking for someone new there. I told her to just aim for a vacation fling, but she said she can't, she isn't single... but she is! If I had enough money to jump on an airplane and head there right this second I would do it in a flash, you wouldn't have to ask me twice! I tried to convince her to buy a ticket and come here for a couple months, but she doesn't want to leave Alice without him. I just don't know how to make her feel better, I guess the best I can do is just be there. I will always be there when she is at her weakest, otherwise, when she is at her strongest I have no right to stand back and watch... that's the philosophy I take with all my friends. In any case, a part of me hurts with every tear she cries. I miss my sister, I wish I could make things better, this kills me! My parents don't care about the phone bill, which is a good thing because I plan on calling her on a frequent basis over the next month, at least then I won't feel completely powerless.

Mike called minutes after I got off the phone with Lija, I was kind of worried that he would call while I was on the phone with her, I knew I wouldn't have been able to answer my cell phone if he did and I hate hitting that ignore button, especially for people that I like lol. I like my nightly phone calls, I am really not looking forwawrd to being in Waterloo and not having them anymore, how can it be long distance when it's so close... doesn't seem fair at all! lol I know it will be okay, it's going to take more then a phone bill to get me to shut up.

PS. I finally like a song on my blog, what do you all think of it? For those of you without speakers, it's "Hey You" by Pink Floyd.

Summer 2004... memories are forever (so are pictures :-p) I think Tom is hitting Laura with the icky burger flipper... and Sean didn't quite make the pile but he is to the left
Ashley

I suppose I had what they call a good weekend.

Thursday I don't know what I did after work... right after work I mean. Mike came over that night, it was a good evening, we watched game 3 of the 1972 Canada vs Russia hockey game. It was kind of depressing, the score I mean. It was a good night, I was a bit of a distraction, but I had a lot to say haha.

Friday I worked.. big surprise there, and my damn assisstant was in, I had told her not to come in that day but she was here anyways, don't really know how come. Had a great time that night. After a treck to Ikea to buy my desk I met up with Pete and Cassy at East Sides for some dessert... Mm... chocolate erruption!! Then we went to Planet Laser, it was a ton of fun! I suck by the way :-p, but I made a friend, so I had someone on my side, don't know what his name was though. Then we went over to Pete's house just to chill, Sean and K met up with us there, and despite my efforts nobody would make a human pile. The damn cat was trying to eat me, it was all nice at first then it started to sneak up on me, it was planning it's attack!!

Saturday I had to go to my cousin's son's 5th birthday party (so my 2nd cousin once removed I think). It was interesting... that's for sure lol. You have to know this family to understand what I mean by interesting, let's just say, it had to be at a park because my cousin, Robin, didn't want a friend of hers to stop by.. long story, instead she invited some drug addict to the 5 year old party and he just laid on the grass the whole time clutching a bottle in his hand. It was a long day to say the least. That night I couldn't really handle any more "excitement" we had a BBQ at our house with the Turnbull's then I kind of just gave up and watched the Olympics.

Sunday my Mom woke me up at 7:55.. yeah that's earlier then I get up for work every day. We went to visit my Grandpa, a regular Sunday adventure, then had to be home by 10:00 to head out for Buffalo. We went shopping in the States for the whole day, $500.00US later and a new "bed" we arrived him around 9:30. It was a long day, which left me exhausted, but at least I have cute new clothes :-p.

Today isn't going well, I am in a bad mood because I didn't get any sleep last night, I was tossing and turning all night worried that something had happened to a friend. I am really grumpy, everything is just pissing the hell out of me and I need my pain killers which just happened to run out this weekend... maybe I'll just take a Tylenol Extra Strength... or four. I really need a nap, and my usually comforting Iced Tea just doesn't seem to be doing the trick today. Don't cross my path or I'll bite your head off... I'm serious. Plus, the first e-mail I got this morning, well the first one I read was labelled "bad news from Lija". SO once my heart attack subsided I was able to fully understand the situation.. I should be there right now, this is so unfair!

Hey Guys,
I am having some trouble with my blog music, I just can't seem to find a song that I like having "represent" me.... please help me out and suggest some for me to try out :D
THANKS!

When I get in these sad moods it's very hard for me to write, sometimes I can do my best writing when sad, hell I wrote my entire ISU last year when in a mood like this (then again it was a novel on depression and suicide -following the themes of the Bell Jar) but usually I am blank.
My slate has been blank for quite a while, even before "the shit hit the fan" in my life, so I don't know why I am attempting to do this right now, I suppose it's because writing gives me a sense of fulfillment.

When I was in grade 11 I had just transfered to a new public school where I knew all of two people. If I wanted things to be easy I could have just gone to my district high school but I wanted a challenge, something different, so I went to a neighbouring school. I didn't know many people for the first few months, but I do remember the day I first talked to "him" let's call him, Joe. He was in a couple of my classes first semester, Physics and Drama, but it wasn't for a couple weeks that we actually talked. This was a year that will forever be remembered in history text books and when you ask a person where they were upon hearing the news, most people will be able to tell you. It was September 2001, and terror and mayham was about to hit America and all those in their general vicinity. I was so naive at the time, someone told me that a plane had run into one of the towers and I thought to myself, "well that was dumb!" I had no idea the impact of what was about to come. That afternoon most people went home from school to sit idly by their television sets and wait for any more news that might come. I called home around lunch time to ask my parents how the Mortons were, they lived in New Jersey so I didn't think anything would be remotely wrong and while it was true that nothing was wrong, I found out that something could have been. It turns out Jennifer (their oldest daughter) worked in one of the towers and that morning had been running late and missed her train, nobody on her floor was killed, but just the thought of her avoiding that situation because of some small problem kind of got to me, it got to all of those who knew Jenn.

This is around the same time I met Joe, we were standing outside Physics and someone started saying something about September 11th, I obviously couldn't keep my mouth shut, regardless of the fact that I was surounded by virtual strangers. Joe and I started arguing and eventually discovered a friendship that would forever remain a part of my life. We became friends but not in the most traditional of ways, we would talk over MSN for hours and on the phone until 5am, I cried when he was in a car accident and worried when he got into fights, he would call me when he was drunk or high just to talk, which sounds incredibly rude but was extremely sweet. I am not sure why our relationship never progressed past this close friendship, but with the changing of our seperate lives and our somewhat hidden friendship we both progressed into different relationships and soon we were unable to be together. His girl friend was jeleaous of me and all I wanted was a friend. We still talk ocassionally but it isn't the same. He will still always have that place in my heart, and I will still cry if he gets into an accident, but we don't talk for hours on the phone or MSN and we probably won't in the future. Fate brought us together, just as it stopped Jenn from making it to work on time, and fate has pulled us apart, who knows what it will do next. To my friend, Joe, you know who you are, thank you.

[Editor's Note: this post became slightly longer as I got distracted writing the bit about September 11th, I hope it all flows properly!]

Sorry guys, no more anonymous comments... I am way too curious of a person.

I dedicate this to you. You sent me this song a long time ago and now I am sending it back, from you to me, from me to you. Read it, remember it.

Beatles Lyrics - When Im 64

When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now,
Will you still be sending me a Valentine,birthday greetings, bottle of wine?
If I'd been out 'till quarter to three,would you lock the door?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four?

Hmm------mmm---mmmh.
You'll be older, too.Aaah, and if you say the word, I could stay with you.


I could be handy, mending a fuse, when your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside, sunday mornings, go for a ride.
Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty four?


Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wightif it's not to dear. We shall scrimp and save.
Ah, grandchildren on your knee, Vera, Chuck, and Dave.


Send me a postcard, drop me a line stating point of view.
Indicate precisely what you mean to say, yours sincerely wasting away.
Give me your answer, fill in a form, mine forever more.
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty four?

I feel like death, yes that's right, death. I'm talking about the whole rotting flesh, limp limbs, bone protruding exterior... I feel like death. Haven't slept for a few days, haven't eaten more then a couple cookies (thanks Em) and some noodles yesterday, and have now resorted to not showering.... things are bad lol.

The Doors...
Ashley
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon now
Touch me, babe
Can't you see that I am not afraid?
What was that promise that you made?
Why won't you tell me what she said?
What was that promise that she made?

Now, I'm gonna love you
Till the heavens stop the rain
I'm gonna love you
Till the stars fall from the sky
For you and I"
One of my favourite songs played on Friday, which for those interested was an awesome night. Mike was actually on time at the train station when I got there... I know, hell must have been freezing over (kidding!)! We had a nice dinner at the Marche and then took our one stop to the Exhibition and walked on over to the concert... Mike kept saying how it was his first concert, so I kept reminding him that SARStock counts, he disagreed lol. It was so much fun to see him being so excited, well he was until seeing the line that we would have to wait in to go through security haha. We got Q107 Doors concert badges... woohoo (I noticed that they didn't change the date on them since the concert was post poned by 3 days... oh well). The concert was amazing... you know, it really wouldn't have mattered who was playing because I was with someone I love spending time with and concerts always give you that energetic full of adrenaline feeling, that's one of the reasons I love going to them so much. I don't think I ever once thought to myself, "is this thing almost over." With the exception of one song I loved them all, and since I had been given the CD the night before (thanks, Boo) I knew all the songs! My favourite member of the band was actually one of the originals, Ray! He was SO CUTE! I mean here is this 65 year old man on stage singing his little heart out, playing his key board like there is no tomorrow (occassionally even with his feet!) and wearing a CARGIGAN! Yeah that's right, like an old man cardigan that was beige! He had that old person neck flab too... you know the stuff that hangs like a turkey thingy. AND he would talk to us about having sex, smoking weed and getting drunk! Imagine him as a grandpa! He was sooo cute! The others were okay lol, but he was my favourite by far! Although that guitar player, Robby (the other original) was really amazing on his guitar. All in all the concert was awesome, and seeing Mike have such a good time made it all the better. We kind of missed our train so we had to wait on the platform for about an hour, I guess if we had rushed out of the venue then we could have made it... oh well. It was a great evening, concert, train and car ride home and overall amazing night.

The Doors now...
Ashley

Original Doors lead singer Jim Morrison
Ashley

I am so confused, I just wanted to make things easier by making things bad but now everything is just so messed up and I have nowhere to turn. I feel like I'm stuck in a corner and the only way out is obstructed. I don't know what to do, I want to run away, just like I do every time, Australia? Back to Paris? How about Madrid? I think I will just have to wait a few weeks and take Waterloo.... but I need to go, need to get out, I just need things to be different. I need those people around me who don't know me, who won't be able to judge me and tell me what I have been doing wrong. And yet, I want someone to tell me what is wrong. I am so confused... I just need out. I need to sort things out, but how!

I got some good news this weekend, one of my friends is getting married! When I was growing up the Mortons were like a second family, and their youngest daughter, Karen was my best friend. Her older sister was on a cruise this week and her boy friend called her father, Blain, to ask if he could marry his daughter. He said yes, and she said yes, YAY! I am so excited I am giddy about it! I can't believe she is getting married!!!

The tiny grains of sand slowly fall through the cylindrical opening from one end of the hour glass to the other, time is running out.
Creating a pyramid, a castle of sand, they trickle to their untimely end.
So much has happened, so much has changed.
There needs to be that one place where everything can be the same.
Go and escape, go and be free, take away all the burdens, just be happy.
The grains slowly fall, filling the space.
Nobody has noticed, you're losing your place.
Something has happened, changed who you are, you just can't be happy, things are too far.
Always alone, never by yourself.
People all around but nobody can see you, see who you are behind all the obvious.
Last time they noticed, you had to cry out for attention, ask to be loved, asked to be cared for.
They say your dramatic, say you're outlandish, but that's the only way they will see you are there.
Space is filling up, there is not much time left.
Somebody has to reach out, notice that there is something to save.
Somebody has to know what's wrong, not have to ask.
Nothing will ever be the same again, things have changed, they can't be fixed.
The last grain of sand falls through the opening.
The hour glass has finished.
There is no time left.

Tonight Mike and I are going to the Doors concert, it should be a lot of fun, I am really excited. We get to hang out before hand then spend the evening into the night at the concert, good music and good friends, what else could someone ask for?

I love this picture of us.
Ashley

We weren't sisters by birth, but we knew from the start... fate brought us together to be sisters by heart

When I was in grade 9 I met someone who would change the way I look at life. Her name was Lija and she was an exchange student from Australia. We seemed to instantly hit it off and when the time came for to head back home to Alice Springs I was heart broken. I was losing a best friend. I had always been interested in going to Australia on an exchange but had never really taken any sort of initiative to set the thing up, especially since at the time I was planning on remaining at Appleby for another 3 years. During grade 10 Lija and I stayed in constant contact and I made the decision that I wanted to go to St. Philips on an exchange. I applied for the Round Square Exchange Program through Appleby and was approved for placement at her school! I was ecstatic, now all I had to do was convince my parents... once that bridge was crossed I had yet another obstacle to conquer. I was leaving Appleby for grade 11 and the school felt I wouldn't be a good delegate since I would be t alking about attending a different school in the following year. My exchange was revoked and I was once more heart broken. It was time to take matters into my own hands. I wrote a letter to my parents with a signed promise to pay for the trip and be 100% careful and safe... and you know what? They let me go... ON MY OWN! I arranged my own exchanged through the Walton family, I was going to be staying with them and attending Lija's school as an unofficial Appleby student. I was to fly into Sydney, make a quick connection to Melbourne and meet the Waltons all by myself. We then stayed in Melbourne for a few days, drove to Adelaide and the coast of Southern Australia for about a week, went up the middle stopping in Coober Pedy and ended up in Alice Springs. I attended school on a daily basis over my summer vacation, which is where I met some life long (although very distant) friends. I had the summer of my life, I will never forget those days I spend down under. And I definitely will never forget my "sister" Lija and the Walton family who selflessly took me in and made me feel like an instant member of their family.
This morning when I stepped out onto my porch on the way to work I looked down and saw a box with a blue sticker with white stars making up the southern cross (what's on the Aussie flag). Lija had sent me a surprise package with letters and little trinkets in it. My day has officially been made, it's amazing what small gratitude can do to a person's mood.

I miss you Lija!!!

Lija in Bali with a lizard... look at her face, she seems a little scared! HAHA
Ashley
Do you all know what I mean by missing someone who has become a part of your family so much that it hurts?

I was just at my physio appointment, and Jenn, my new therapist (Marcia is in Athens for the Olympics) was telling me about something that struck a note of interest in my mind. Apparently she was waiting at a red light on a one way street in downtown Oakville, she was turning left so she was in the farthest left lane, and since there was no through way (the street across from "town square") as soon as the light went green she was free to go. Just as she was about to do her left handed turn a man stepped out in front of her car and started to slowly walk in front of her, against the light. The entire time he was staring into her car, and she kept looking at the light, very confused and thinking to herself... it is my turn, isn't it? Just as the man had passed her car she began to roll forward and had to slam on the breaks as a woman ran the red light right across her path almost hitting 3 pedestrians she realized at the last minute and slammed on her breaks. Had that man not passed in front of Jenn's car she would have been a pancake. It made me think, are there really people out there that know something bad is going to happen and make it their life mission to protect you, or is this just fate?