Looking out the window...

Saturday, November 27, 2004

My weekend... so far...

Well I mean it's only Friday night... technically it's Saturday morning because it's after midnight, but whatever. So far my weekend has been pretty awesome. Thursday night we all (a huge group of us) went to Morty's but then a bunch of people decided to go to a different bar, so once they left we got a table a lot faster, it was actually quite perfect. It was the special wings night, so we drank beer and ate wings and had a great time. I can't remember the last time I sat in a bar drinking and laughing and talking for that long without once looking at my watch or wondering where the time had gone.

Then starting at 1:00 today we starting drinking. That sounds really bad, I know. But we have had a really stressful couple months with midterms and now exams are coming up, so this was to be a day off and a day of partying... well partying is a loosely used term. We watched movies all day in sweatpants while drinking. It was actually quite awesome. Carmen got up here around 5:00 and we all hung out, stopped drinking at 6:00 and started again at 8:00 when everyone got here... including Rob (finally lol). We hung out at home for the longest time, which I actually think was the most fun because it was so casual. Buuut... we went first to the Starlight Lounge then to Silver Spur after and got our drink on there :-p lol. Before heading to a keg party at 86U... needless to say, we did the loop for Carmen's sake.

Now, I'm going to hit the sac, tomorrow we are going to a party in Guelph for one of my friend's birthdays.

PS. Damn cat is DRIVING MY UP THE WALL... she is crazy, meowing ALL the time... INSANE!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Ooops...

So last night I went over to Ty's around 2:00am to wake him up and therefore scare him with a pez clown dispenser. Well... I ended up falling asleep with him there and came home at 4:45 only to be locked out... "shit, crap, shit!" (what I was saying to myself over and over again). So I tried knocking on everyone's window, nobody woke up, I tried calling the house from Ty's phone, nobody woke up... so finally, determined, I started to pry open Heather's window... and finally woke her up... at 5am. I feel really bad, but I had to get in somehow... right? In any case... I had a bad sleep, that stressed me out and my heart was beating really fast, but at least I got in, I was expecting to have to sleep on the porch lol.

Monday, November 22, 2004

How about all of you?

Sometimes I wonder about myself, my contribution to the world, to the lives of my friends and family. I never think to myself that I'm doing enough, I always think there is more I can do, yet for some reason, I never know what that more is.

When I was little I couldn't watch those Christian Children's Fund commercials because it made me so sad that someone my age could be in that horrible of a situation. Now, when I am old enough and most likely financially able to sponsor one of these children, I don't. It's not because I stopped caring, it's because I don't believe my ".25c a day" is actually getting where it should. How come with age comes skepticism?

As a child I would draw a pretty picture for my Mom to make her smile, I haven't made something for her in years, and while I'm sure she knows I still love her, I wish I could make her smile like that every day even now. I'm considering giving my brother a substantial Christmas gift this year, it may be crazy, and I haven't decided yet if I'm going to do it, but if I do, I'll let you all know after the fact what it was... not in a way to brag or receive remarks along the lines of generosity, but in order to show some people that family is more important in my life than material possessions.

I belong to a few organizations that allow for service in my community, but no matter how many houses I contribute to for Habitat for Humanity, and mouths I feed for Feed the Hungry, there will still be more people living in dire conditions and going without meals. While I'm making a contribution, I'm not changing the world, I'm not even changing my community, I'm only helping in the building of one family's life. As Mother Teresa said, "if you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one."

Yet, I can't drive through Toronto and hand food out to the homeless without the worry of one of them suing me. Society has become something that I'm not proud of. We are currently approaching the American thanksgiving, and just a month ago had the Canadian one, but did anybody give thanks that they weren't living at the corner of Bloor and Spadina? We sit at our Martha Stewart holiday tables, eating our Williams Sonoma meals, taking for granted we have. You may not have money, your cranberry sauce may come from a can, and an expensive Turkey might not be an option, but the point is, you're alive, you're in a house, and you're surrounded by people who love you. I actually heard one of my friends complain this thanksgiving that they couldn't afford a turkey and wouldn't be celebrating this year. But why do you need a turkey to celebrate? How come a family can't sit down as a FAMILY and eat cold cuts and cheese slices and call THAT celebrating.

My ambition in life is to make a difference. And I am doing so, every time that I smile at a stranger on the street, or remember that the greatest gift I can get is what I have now. I might not make the newspaper, or receive an award, but as long as I feed that one hand, I will accomplish my goal.

How about all of you?

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Missed my ivories...

Well they aren't' really ivory, but I still missed them. Them being the keys of my piano. I sat down tonight for the first time in probably three months and pressed in those beautiful white pearls to hear their perfect tone speak back to me. It hurt to play, I have to be honest about that, I kept messing up what I wanted to play, so my baby was yelling at me. Plus, it killed my shoulder, I forgot how much that position hurt me... but it was worth it. So worth it. I missed playing. Hearing that sweet, succulent sound flow from my beautiful piano, as my fingers gracefully dance back and forth across the keys. I played some Fur Elise, some Tears in Heaven, and some Christmas songs and it felt so good. Sydney laid on her bed, next to me, like she always used to when I would play, and when I stopped she picked up her head to see what was wrong. It just felt so good. I'm back in Waterloo now, I only went home for the day, so I can't play again until Christmas, but I think I can wait... I got my little fill and hopefully it can hold me off.

I was in Oakville today for a couple of reasons. One, I wanted to see my Grandpa, it was a really bad day. He has been having a bad week, they think he had a more severe stroke so it's taking longer to turn back over from this one. He sleeps all the time, and when you speak with him he doesn't make words but noises. It's not good... we're hoping it's going to fix itself, so far they have all fixed themselves. But it is essential to continue talking to him so it keeps his brain working, even if he doesn't seem to acknowledge who you are or what you're saying.

The second reason was that my Mom, Dad, Uncle Brian, and neighbour Marnie were heading into Buffalo for some shopping and I wanted to join them. I got a bunch of clothes that are super cute... jeans with a cute belt that match an off the shoulder sweater, a tube top but it's not just normal but cool looking... lol I am sucking with explanations, maybe I'll just include pictures....

Tube top.. I don't really like the flower on the front but it can be removed, that thing down the front makes it flowy...
Ashley

Light-weight brown shirt with a boat neck
Ashley

Off the shoulder sweater, it's a blue colour...
Ashley

And jeans with a belt that match the shirt!!
Ashley

Now, I am writing my article, my deadline is tomorrow, this week I'm writing the Student Life feature article, it's on Laurier Idol, an event that I went to on Friday for paper purposes only. I should get back to it... I just wanted to write something not paper-ey.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

How to stay young:

I just got this in an e-mail from my Mom and thought I would share it.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1.. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age,
weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why
you pay them.

2.. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you
down.

3.. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer,
crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle
mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is
Alzheimer's.

4.. Enjoy the simple things.

5.. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp
for breath.

6.. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The
only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be
ALIVE while you are alive.

7.. Surround yourself with what you love, Whether it's
family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your
home is your refuge

8.. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If
it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get
help.

9.. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall,
even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where
the guilt is.

10.. Tell the people you love that you love them, at
every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.

I've been thinking a lot recently about the meaning of friendship. I have recently started talking to an old friend again, we never really stopped talking, but our conversations became less about ourselves and more about the insignificant things around us. To tell you the truth, I was starting to give up on him. We met in grade 11 (more about him here) and became great friends, we would talk on the phone until wee hours of the morning. But that all changed when he started dating someone. Anyways, we were talking the other day and he started opening up again. It was like he suddenly remembered he could trust me, that no matter what, even through all the shit we have experienced together and apart, I am there for him. We had a really great talk, and it got me thinking, this is what a friend is. Someone who you can talk to all the time, then stopped talking to and come back to it all without feeling like there is any time in between.

But really, what is a friend? A friend is someone who is always there for you and would rush to your side in moments of weakness. Not someone who randomly asks if you're alright and when you say no, makes a half-ass attempt to talk to you over some impersonal MSN conversation. A friend is someone who will tell you the truth, because "if you're friends don't tell you the truth, who will?" However, a friend is also someone who won't make you feel bad about yourself when telling those truths. A friend is someone you can always confide in, but will never tell your secrets. Friendship has so many in-and-out characteristics, and while it seems overly complicated... it's really not. If you're friends with someone you don't have to work on things, they just happen naturally, and when they stop happening, sometimes you should just throw in the towel, hang up the cleats, use whichever cliche you want, but don't get back on the horse.

A friend is a person who comes and won't judge a flower by its color.
A person who will never give up on you.
A person who will comfort you when storms of tears are in your mind.
A person who will just have some fun with you and give you a good laugh.'
A person that doesn't mind expressing their happy or sad feelings to you.
By: Tara
Found on the website http://www.tooter4kids.com/Friendship/What_is_a_friend.htm and written by a child

As we get older we have to ask ourselves this question more indepthly "what is a friend" but when we are younger it just seemed so simple.

"We weren't sisters by birth, but we knew from the start... fate brought us together to be sisters by heart"

Tamara, Lija and Wizza, from this years Halloween, I think they are being vampires but you can't see the teeth... they are also sloshed lol
Ashley

I just got this random e-mail with two crazy pictures from Lija. I have missed her so much, it's unbelivable how much I miss her actually. For those of you who aren't aware... Lija is my "sister". Not biological however. She lives in Australia, I met her when she was on exchanged for a semester here. She was in grade 10 and I was in grade 9 and for whatever crazy reason we became amazing friends. Lija is someone that I can go months without talking to but I know is always there, someone I can always trust and rely on. Lija and I stayed in very close contact even after she had gone back to Australia, thank goodness for Internet! The summer between grade 10 and 11 I decided it had been long enough, I bought myself a plane ticket, and 14 days later was on a plane going to see my long-lost sister. I developed an instant family when I stepped off that airplane, but nothing could compare to the sisterly bond I had always wanted to share with a person. Lija and I have now been apart for almost 3 years, and yet, she is an important facet in my life. I will be back to see her, I know I will, but I don't know when, it could be years, but it will seem like it's only been minutes since we last saw each other the moment I step off that airplane a second time.
Sometimes, when I'm at my weakest I begin dialling that phone number, it's a good thing there are so many numbers or I would be calling all the time. I miss her when I'm happy too, because I want to share those moments. And I worry about her when we haven't spoken for a long time. So many people out there have sisters who they brush off and ignore, I just wish I could see Lija, much less be able to brush her off. I always wanted a sister, I stopped wishing a long time ago and instead found a best friend. I can't wait to go back, I think about it all the time, it will happen, I'm determined.

Lija (right) and I the last time I saw her... oh to be 15 once more!
Ashley

Sand dunes are blowing over my body. I squirm as they tangle my hair and scratch my face. These little particles of disintegrated rock scrape my skin the blood, which is exposed on my uncovered flesh, camouflages the red specks of sand. As I stand and look at the building looming ahead of me I wince as the hot desert sun, burns my eyes. I squint to see the figure on top everything comes into perspective. On top of that high-rise, I see my mother. She has been captured by an evil scientist and strapped to an enormous fan, awaiting her inevitable and untimely death.

Here I am, standing in my kitchen screaming up at her: "the orange juice isn’t where it should be!" As the scientist is reaching for the on switch I yell up once more: "Mom, I am thirsty! Can you come down and get me a glass of juice?" I have panic in my voice. She isn’t responding to me so I yell once more, "I can’t get it myself, the cups are up to high."

As the sun reaches its peak in the sky, the red sand below my feet begins to heat up and burn through my shoes. The sand is billowing harder than before and I can feel the grains embedding in my flesh.
When I am finally about to give up on my mom she hollers back, "Ask your brother to help you."

I turn around and Christopher is standing next to me reaching for a glass from the oak cupboards. As he hands me the deep green crystal goblet it slips through my childish fingers and shatters in the sand. The shards are so striking as they contrast against the blood red earth. I reach for the glistening crystal and prick my finger. With blood dripping from me I, too, contrast with the sparkling pieces of goblet.

Suddenly, I hear my Father’s thundering footsteps pounding across the ground. He marches over to me I can already see the veins protruding from the side of his neck. I lost one of his mother’s earrings and he is mad. As he approaches me I fall to the ground and curl into the fetal position and begin to sob. He pulls back his arm as if to slap me, then stops and looks down at my quivering body. A look of compassion washes over his face as he picks me up in his big strong arms and holds me close. Just as I am beginning to feel safe, he places me down on a huge stuffed ottoman.

I close my eyes and begin to fall asleep but am awoken by a thump outside my room. I quietly tiptoe across my creaky floor and slowly pull open the door.
"AHH!" I scream as I see my brother lying lifeless on the ground with a bullet through his heart.

I begin to walk down the hall; I need to get out of here. All of a sudden I hear a noise from behind me. I turn around and find myself looking down the barrel of a gun. I look into the gunman’s eyes and plead for my life without saying a word. I recognise his soft green eyes and high cut cheeks. The man with the gun is my best friend. Click, Click, BOOM he pulls the trigger and I can feel my body flying through the air as I gasp my last breath. He killed me and now all I can do it stare down at my motionless corpse.