Plotting my future...

For those of you who don't know, or haven't read my "About Me" column on the side of my page, I am currently enrolled in an Honours Sociology program, and I love it. When I applied to all my universities I wasn't entirely sure about my program, it seemed like something I would enjoy but I didn't know if it would actually keep me interested for the next four years. My first semester I only had one course in my major and it sort of sucked, intro to Soc definitely doesn't make many people want to switch into our program. Anyways, I was a bit discouraged but since I loved my school so much it didn't really effect me in a huge way. Then in second semester I walked into class on the first day and fell in love with my major, and my prof. She is still to this day one of my favourite professors, although a couple more have been added to the list. From that day on I have never once second guessed my major, not one single time. I love it, I love everything about it. I love my school, and everything I do for it. This is exactly what I want to do with my life, at least for four years... but then what? I'm not really worried, I think in the back of my mind I know exactly what I want to do... but people do always ask me, "so you're a Sociology major, what exactly can you DO with that?" There are many things you CAN do, many that are obvious such as teaching and social work and many that are a little less obvious such as law and journalism. We'll see where life takes me. In the meantime I'm just having fun, and being incredibly involved.

Eugenicide?

I watched this really good documentary on TV last night called Rough Cuts. It was about how pre-natal testing has become so advanced that parents can find out before their child's birth if there is a present genetic defect. You can read more about it here. For me this brought up so many questions, but most importantly, how is genetic profiling different then eugenicide?

It seems that with genetic profiling society is trying to produce a generation of perfect children. If you can stop your child from being born with something that will cause them serious pain perhaps it is for the best, but when it comes to genetic defects such as dwarfism and the deaf. The only reason a parent could see fit to abort these children would be so their child was societies version of perfect. There is nothing wrong with some of the defects that people are saying should be "taken care of". I don't see how controlling our birth rates in this manner is any different then the eugenicide that took place in Nazi Germany?!

Just something...

So I don't actually have anything to write about, but I had this desire to post, and while I still have a part of my family thing to write, I wasn't in the mood to write about that. To be honest, when I started I had a much bigger plan about how I wanted it to be, and now it's just... blah. I will get around to finishing my Mom's side of the family, I'm just kind of unsure as to how many brothers and sisters my Grandma had... she had a lot. Also, that's my "famous" side of the family so there is a bunch to mention.

For now, I'm going to just post something small, there won't be a continuation for this, but I hope you enjoy it.

Sand Dunes
The sand was hot. It burned his feet as he crept across the blazing, sandy dunes. The wind was rapid, sweeping across the desert at top speeds, whipping the sand into a frenzy and sending it careening into his eyes, making them water up and obscuring his vision. Terror washed over him with each step he took, and he walked in fear over the dunes as he patrolled the camp, knowing full well that an attack could come at any moment. He gripped his rifle for reassurance, and checked his belt to make sure he had enough ammunition, should some unfortunate mishap occur.
Thirsty, he reached down to his belt and pulled out his canteen, drinking the rest of his water. Chiding himself for his stupidity in consuming the day's rations, but feeling satisfied that his throat was no longer dry, he crouched down, and checked his belt to make sure everything was there. After performing a careful survey and pausing to wipe the sand from his eyes, he turned back towards the camp, feet sinking into the dunes as he went, his boots filling up with sand. With luck, he'd be able to have someone relieve his post when he returned to the camp.
Just as he was approaching the campsite, he heard his commanding officer screaming the words he had dreaded hearing for the past several weeks: "EVERYBODY IN THE BUNKER! Suits on, now!"

Sicko

I'm going to be the girl to OD on cold medicine. Not because I'm trying to kill myself but because I'm ALWAYS sick! Seriously. So I was sick from Jan 1 - Jan 13 this year... and starting Friday I am sick AGAIN!! I'm not one to complain but I mean COMMON! So I had a fever of 103 all weekend... I slept for about 36 hours between Saturday and Sunday and then was awake until now coughing my head off. My fever is down to almost normal now which is good. Health Services at school said that if I didn't get better I had to go back for blood work *shudder* to test for mono (not good). I'm sure it's not mono... it CAN'T be!! I don't DO needles lol. Anyways, they don't know what I have this time around, they took some throat swab... which I can STILL feel in my throat btw! It's all good though... now that my fever is gone I can get out of bed, and today, I got dressed for the first time in since Friday!! It was nice to be showered and clean in nice smelling clothes! :) That's all I got in me for now...

My Family Part 2

My Grandparents had five children. That might not sound like such a huge thing, but there was a fourteen year gap between my Dad, the oldest, and my Aunt Elizabeth, the youngest. I don't know what the official verdict is on this one, but I definitely think she was a mistake.

First came my Dad, I'm not going to go too much into him because I'm sure I have written about him before and will in the future. My Dad married my Mom, Karen, 30 years ago, and had my brother and I in 1979 and 1985. He is an incredibly intelligent man, which would come back to haunt me when getting math and science tests signed in high school. Anyways, he has his doctorate of law, and enjoys lots of sports including mountain biking, road biking, running and adventure racing. He completed and did well in Ironman Florida in 2001, and on New Years Eve placed second in a resolution race. I am a Daddy's Girl, his little Princess. Which also comes back to haunt me because we both have the same temper and can really get into it with one another. My Dad and I have some issues... but I won't go into that.

Next comes my Uncle David. I don't see him much. When I was really little, like under a year, he moved to Saskatchewan for work (sucks eh?) and now lives in Alberta. Therefore I don't know much about him. He married my Aunt Mickey about 25 years ago but in September he left her for another woman. I hate to admit it, but this new woman, Carol is an awesome lady!! My Uncle is kind of dirty, he tells inappropriate jokes and says things that he just shouldn't say. But he's a nice... I'm sure he must be, once you ignore all the nastiness he's fine. Looks like my Dad is a creepy way, but he is a little more chunky.

Then my Aunt Sue. She doesn't like my Mom or Dad so we haven't really seen her for about 15 years. Are you getting why I come from a small huge family? It's because while there are a bunch of us, we aren't all close. She also doesn't seem to like my Uncle David or Uncle Herb... which only leaves my Aunt Elizabeth... I am thinking it's her and not everyone else. Anyways, she also has been married to my Uncle Wellington for 30 years who I adore! He is an awesome, kind, caring man. At the funeral he knew just when to say the right joking thing, whether it be about the courtesy mints or the old ladies with their funny hats. He is an awesome man and is only with my Aunt for support, they sleep in different bedrooms. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer a couple of years ago but has fought it quite well and I'm pretty sure he will be okay. I sure hope he will. They had my cousin AJ who is now 22 years old. He's pretty cool, and I wish we had been able to hang out more growing up, but since my Aunt Sue didn't like associating with us that didn't happen. I am trying to get to know him now through the joys of MSN... we'll see what happens. He was also one of my best allies at the funeral, couldn't have gotten through it all without him.

The last boy in the family is my Uncle Herb. He is quite the character. Tons of tattoos and motorcycles, I'm pretty sure he knows the Hell's Angels.... he is a mechanic and a really cool guy. He is always there when you need him, even if it's for something silly. He married my Aunt Betty and had Paula and Melissa, they later got divorced but she was around for a while. She is definitely a "biker chick". Paula is 16, she is a very bright girl, into the gothic right now. She was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when she was 13 and has since stopped taking the medication, she seems to be doing better which leads us to believe it was a misdiagnoses. Melissa is the little party girl, when she was a kid this was cute, now that she is 14 it's scary. She is heading down the sex and drugs path and there is nothing I can do about it! My Uncle started dating Dianne 10 years ago, she passed away in April. It was very sudden and shocking. They were never legally married, but does that make her less my Aunt? They were together for 10 years afterall. She was one awesome woman, I remember this one time I was struggling with some homework and she took me out on to the front porch, sat me down, and helped me out. It was just really sweet of her.

The last "Rose Baby" is my Aunt Elizabeth. She lived with my Grandma the longest so her death and the cleaning out of the house is hitting her the hardest. My Aunt Elizabeth married my Uncle Wayne in 1997 and they had Hannah in 1999 and Sarah in 2004. The gap between the kids is because my Aunt kept having miscarriages. My Aunt and I used to be very close before Hannah was born, now she is always grumpy... I'm hoping that will vanish as the kids get older. Wayne is an interesting guy... this is his second marriage, his first produced a son, Brian who is 20 and has a daughter 3 weeks younger then Sarah, named Anastasia. Last time I saw her she was this huge little girl... rolly polly, but cute. Hannah is my little angel, I have more pictures of her then of anyone else I think... everyone who meets her usually falls in love. I think most of my ex-boyfriends only came to my family things because of her lol. Sarah is only 10 months old but I'm pretty sure she will become my little angel as well.

That's all for that half. I was going to try and include little stories for each but I just don't have the time or energy... I have been battling a 103 fever all weekend and they think now I have pneumonia. Hopefully not. Please feel free to check out the updated photos by clicking this link or the photo below.

My little scholar is "reading" for me...
Ashley

Feelin it...

So I took my Alias looking self out last night for a little pow-wow with some close friends, and it was a very bad idea! After a fabulous night on the town I fell into bed early this morning and woke up feeling like I had been hit by a semi-truck. Yes, I am sick... again. How, I don't know. It was good to see him though, we haven't seen each other in AGES and I did miss him!! :) So I suppose getting sick for him was okay. I don't know when I'll see him again to be honest, there are things and people in between our meetings. In the meantime I have rehearsal today for the play I part wrote, am acting in, directing and stage managing for, then I'm heading BACK into Oakville for a girls night with some old family friends who I haven't seen in ages. Then BACK to Waterloo (AGAIN) for tomorrow's rehearsal, hockey and another night on the town, this time with a friend from residence last year!! :) Sunday I'm going to be serving dinner to the elderly at a local church, it's a spagetti dinner but we will also have garlic bread and dessert. Hopefully it goes off without a hitch :) Have a great weekend all, I will post on Monday (hopefully) with part 2 of my family saga... that's if you even care to read it :) lol

PS. Happy Birthday YOAV!

Cheers! Yoav is in the middle at the back
Ashley

Quick Aside...

I will continue with my story, perhaps even tonight, but in the meantime I wanted to just make a general comment about something going on in my house last night. The girls I live with are in LOVE with the TV show Alias. I have never been a fan, but I have been watching it with them recently. It's just kind of funny because Mike used to say I looked like Jennifer Garner (I don't agree but anyways) and it makes me think of that, I wonder if he ever watches it and thinks the same...

My Family Part 1

There is this huge part of my life that even my closest friends don't entirely understand. It's not some deep dark secret, but it is a personal part of my life that while I am proud of, don't feel like sharing. I come from a small huge family. That sounds strange, but over the next few days I hope to help you understand what I mean.

I was born during a horrible time for my family. My Grandpa (Dad's Dad) passed away and then two weeks later my Grandma (Mom's Mom) passed away, both due to cancer, then I came, a couple weeks after that. Some people say that I was a precious gift, since I was born early, I think I was just a happy distraction. Maybe it's because of how close my Mom was with her Mom and how my brother idolized her, maybe it was because she died JUST before I was born, but in any case, I have always felt incredibly close to my Grandma, yet I have never met her. My Grandpa on the other hand was never really conveyed to me in a warm manner. I would never speak ill of the dead, or even of a living family member, but from what I have been told, he wasn't a very kind man. I don't really know anything about him, and nobody really tries to share those little details.

First I guess I'll start with my Dad's side of the family, they are probably the easiest to explain. Wow, I never thought I would be saying that!

I have talked about my Grandma previously, so to you it's no real secret that I loved her immensely. I have always been very close to my Grandma I guess, I never really saw it as that until after she was gone and I realized the huge gap now in my life. When I was younger I used to spend a week or two at my Grandma's house during my summer break. We did a whole bunch of "cool" stuff together, trips to Cullen Gardens, up the CN Tower, the annual Thursday grocery day, and so much more. I was sitting on the floor in her hall on Sunday afternoon looking through envelopes of pictures (...I haven't even done 5% of them yet she has a ton!) and kept coming across pictures of my Grandma and I. I didn't even know they existed, but I suppose it makes sense. It was calming for me. There is a part of my Grandma's death that has plagued me the most, and I am pretty sure it's the reason I have had so much trouble getting over everything, and I am only sharing it here because I'm worried that if I don't start accepting it I never will. On the Saturday before my Grandma's death we were all together for Hannah's 5th Birthday party and as my Grandma was leaving for the night I was holding Sarah (who is only 9months old) and didn't hug my Grandma good bye and tell her that I loved her. The last memory I have of my Grandma was of me not telling her how much she mattered. Everyone tells me that she knew, but that doesn't really make me feel better about things. Anyways, as I was looking through these pictures I saw so many of us together and I guess it helped to show that, she really did have to know how much she mattered to me. I will forever remember that I didn't say good bye that one last time, but I can just take a quick look back in time whenever I worry that she thought I didn't love her and see that there was so much love it didn't always have to be spoken. I have no regrets about the time I spent with her, none. She was an awesome lady.

My Grandma was raised during the depression, she has always been good with money because of that. We are finding ledger upon ledger in her house now dating back to her childhood. She has an older sister, Mary, who is married to my Uncle Herb, he is 96! My Grandma is an Aunt to her neice Carol, a Great Aunt to Jamie and Christine, and as of a couple of months ago, a Great Great Aunt to Jamie's son. Before my Uncle Herb's health started to deteriorate a couple of years ago my Grandma would drive to their house every week and they would go out for dinner. More recently she went up every other week.

My Grandma and Grandpa had 5 children, Robert, David, Susan, Herbert and Elizabeth. Whom I will speak about in the weeks to come.

Instead of taking up space and posting all my pictures on here I have decided to put them in a seperate album, to reach that album go to Ashley's Family Photos or click the photo below.

My Grandma and I
Ashley

A little break...


My Parents wedding 30 years ago, I think my Mom is absolutely beautiful and my Dad is extremely handsome!
Ashley

I think I'm going to take a little break from blogging... I don't know how long it will be, it could be a couple of days or it could be a couple of weeks, but I just need to take a break. Ever since mid December when my Grandma passed I have been depressed. I'm sure it's not some clinical diagnoses, but let's just say I haven't felt like myself. I'm usually a very energetic person and I feel just so drained. I have no initiative to do anything and I don't really seem to care about much. I'm sure it's nothing, I'm sure I'll be fine and I'm just grieving. I guess because when something like this happens you have to seek comfort in someone or something, and shortly after my Grandma's death the one I would have gone to for comfort and love has also been gone. It's silly that the one who I turn to was an animal, but she is the only one who would never judge me, not for a second. Anyways, I was using my blog to try and hide from the pain I felt inside, and even that is no longer doing it for me. I either have to face reality and stop pretending things are going to be fine when I get home, or find some other way to express myself. I might go back to photography, or painting, maybe I'll just sleep. But for now I need a break.

In the meantime, feel free to ask me any questions which I will answer when I get back. It would be something nice to return to, a nice easy post. I may be back in a couple days after realizing that I need some sort of outlet, something, even if it's a computer, to hear my rants and anger. Somewhere to get it all out so the tears will stop rolling down my cheeks. Till later, thank you for reading.

This and that...

I have some FANTASTIC news! So I belong to the Laurier chapter of Habitat for Humanity and while we usually just fundraise for our own organization we decided to step out and help the Red Cross with their Tsunami Relief fund. We aren't the only ones doing it at school however, we're just part of a larger umbrella group... which means the more people the more opportunities to get out there and make an effort! Well, as some of you might know the Canadian government offered to double all that was raised up until yesterday, January 11th, so we didn't have much time to make some serious cash. We set up three tables on campus with information pamphlets and canisters for money on Monday and Tuesday and the final amount is IN! We raised... $3825!!! When doubled that accounts to $7650!!! I'm so happy! Anyways, we are obviously going to continue to raise through the umbrella group, but that is all that will be doubled.

Baby Caden for Christmas!!

Part of the club... and Heaven...

As I was reading Inanna's post late last night/early this morning I was slightly touched by what she had to say. It is all about the BlogFamily and pretty much what it means. When I got this blog it was just to satisfy a need to write, plus I thought it was pretty cool. Since then I have developed more of an interest, I have even developed some friendships. Friendships. With people I have never met. It sounds like some cheesy chat room. But it's not, for some reason I have formed something with these people... and I like who they are. I might be kidding myself, for all I know nobody likes actually coming to my website and doesn't want me to join their little group. But I like going to theirs, I feel like I'm part of something even if they don't know it... that sounds kind of bad. I know that I'm excited for Jay about the babies and the upcoming wedding. I'm scared for Savannah but happy she is getting better. I am laughing with Angi as she get's to play nurse, and feeling a little sorry for Tommy actually. I'm glad Jenn is getting a new bathroom!! I'm stoked that Wendy is back from her hiatus. And.. there are so many more! Anyways, I guess I am just questioning, what's your connection with this inanimate program blogger? And if you're reading this, welcome to my family.

The first time I remember being on an airplane was when I was four years old, I was going to BC with my family and it was the most exciting thing ever!! I probably can visualize the trip so well because I had a window seat, and I remember looking out into the large expanse looking into the clouds hoping to see a glimpse of a unicorn or my Grandma. I'll be honest, when I was little I believed that Heaven was in the clouds. Sometimes naivete is a gift. It wasn't until I was a little older that I realized that there were no castles in the sky and perhaps Heaven didn't exist among those fluffy white clouds; instead, Heaven existed inside your heart. In some ways still don't know if I believe in the actual concept of Heaven, but I also can't imagine it not existing. If when people die they go to Heaven, and Heaven is within a person's heart then I guess for me Heaven exists. I know I will always hold a place in my heart for the people in my life who have died, even those I never met such as my Grandma Seipp. I guess the only difference between my definition of Heaven and another person's is that I don't focus on the religion of it all. When I think of Heaven I just think of someone being eternally happy, and that's what they are inside my heart.

She will be Loved...
By Maroon 5

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

How come these lyrics speak so close to my soul when so much isn't true?!

Plea for kindness...

Hello all,
Some of you may be aware about little Savannah and all that she has had to go through over the past four years of her life, if you don't know her then please check out her website, you will instantly fall in love, I did. Savannah is a sweet little four year old girl who has had to fight her entire life just to be here with us, she is one strong little girl! She was born with a rare Urea Cycle Disorder Citrullinemia. She has been in and out of hospital for years now and has been on a very strict diet, can you imagine being a 4 year old girl and not being able to eat a fast food burger? At the beginning of December they got a call... THE call. A perfect liver had been found for Savannah! Two actually. She was rushed down to Chapel Hill in NC and they performed the operation in record time as we all sat anxiously reading Angi's updates and tuning into Savannah's page. Savannah did great for the next week, she even got to try that burger, but then things went downhill. She has suffered so many downfalls while being in the hospital, this sweet little girl has had a tube down her throat for weeks now. She is only four, her Mom and Dad don't want to leave her side, but that means that the Savannah fund is getting extremely low. It's no mystery that medical expenses are through the roof, especially in the States. They really need help, and Jay has selflessly offered to match everyone's donation made this week on Savannah's page. Here's what you do, go to her page and click on the PayPal link, donate ANYTHING, even a couple dollars is great, make sure your total has an added penny so Jay knows which ones have been made by us, so for example instead of 20.00 donate 20.01. This is one sweet little girl and all she has done is fight, it's about time we do some of that fighting for her.

Following the lead of Angi and Jay I have completed my online personality test. Check out the results below... do you think it's me??



From the Personality Page... more of a description can be found at ESFJ
Warm-hearted, popular, and conscientious. Tend to put the needs of others over their own needs. Feel strong sense of responsibility and duty. Value traditions and security. Interested in serving others. Need positive reinforcement to feel good about themselves. Well-developed sense of space and function.

Although I also feel I am ENFP.. I have a lot of the characteristics and strengths/weaknesses. However, I do find a lot in common with what I was given. Kind of strange.

ESFJ Strengths:
Put forth a lot of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations
Warm, friendly and affirming by nature
Service-oriented, they want to please others
Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
Responsible and practical, they can be counted to take care of day-to-day necessities
Generally upbeat and popular, people are drawn towards them
Generally very good money managers
Traditionally minded and family-oriented, they will make family celebrations and traditions special events

ESFJ Weaknesses:
Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories
Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
Need a lot of positive affirmation to feel good about themselves
May be overly status-conscious, and interested in how others see them
Have very difficult time accepting the end of a relationship, and are likely to take the blame for the failure onto their own shoulders
Have difficulty accepting negative things about people close to them
Don't pay enough attention to their own needs, and may be self-sacrificing
May tend to use guilt manipulation as a way to get what they want

A lot of these are actually VERY true.

Less of a Crush...

I lost a lot of respect for a friend of mine tonight, which to be honest, sucks. The night had gone well enough, as they usually do in our house, it's a pretty laid back household usually just full of energy and excitement. Then it happened. I stand very strongly to my values and opinions. I can see when I'm wrong... but it can be hard to pursuade me, especially when I know I'm right. No, no, I shouldn't say that I know I'm right, I could be very wrong, but according to my own beliefs I am right. I know that everyone is allowed to have their own beliefs... but sometimes I just can't believe the things that I hear.

Anyways... we were flipping through the channels and happened to stumble across one of the insanely numerous reality TV shows -it was America's Next Top Model. So we are sitting there watching the opening credits and he says that he hates this show, it gives nothing to society. Now I'm a pretty strong believer that NO TV show gives to society.. but this argument only really included reality TV... two shows in particular actually, Next Top Model and Survivor. Now I watch both, I mean, they are entertaining... Survivor is getting a little old, but I will watch it. So I say to him, he is a huge fan of Survivor, if this show is pointless to watch because it doesn't give to society then how come you watch Survivor? He proclaimed all it's glory, stating that it gives society a Sociocultural view of the world... in reality it shows the lives of a bunch of Americans living somewhere else not interacting with the locals or the local customs, and eating rice while performing stunts and yelling at one another for a month. I am not saying that Top Model is a good show, but if Survivor is showing society something then I sure as hell thing Top Model is! I mean it shows all these girls striving for a goal, a contract they might never have been able to get due to connections and such, and while it does focus a lot on looks it also shows the dramas that girls deal with every day! Their insecurities, their desires, most importantly, their disorders. I think it teaches as much a lesson to society as Survivor does. Anyways, we got in this huge debate over it, him ending up saying that he hated Top Model because he "knew their type" referring to the girls on the show. It was such a stereotypical and generalized comment, I lost a lot of respect for him. At times I couldn't believe the things coming out of his mouth, just so much chauvinism. What's wrong with looking beautiful and wanting to make a living because of it? I mean, beauty isn't everything but if that's your goal don't you have every right to do whatever it takes to get there? I am sick of this thought that women are not as intelligent as men, that these models, just because they are a size 0 are stupid! Maybe I'm just being a little touchy. I just hate when people judge someone by their cover and think that because they don't like something it is automatically useless. I need to relax a bit, this has annoyed me to no end.

Thanks for sticking in this long, I'm sure this post doesn't make sense but I just had to get it out....

In the meantime if you need anything to surf around and check out...
Savannah is currently doing awesome... YAY! But check out her site and give as much support as you can.
Jay is having twins... TWINS! I think that deserves as much support as anything!
Dylan is a little boy in Australia who has Stage IV Neuroblastoma and needs to get to the States for treatment, they can't do it over there... they need money and they need it fast
AND... Today is Tricia's Birthday!! Go and wish her a HAPPY DAY!

Okay, so I'm a bit of a loser and just stayed up until 5:00am working on this; I had to get it done, Wendy said that she believed in me! In all fairness I haven't been working on it all night, I did take a break to watch a movie and such. Anyways, I'm not sure about it, so give your honest opinion... seriously. Oh and if you have any ideas about things I could do to improve then let me know about that too :)

And now.. I'm going to bed.

I was in this relationship, it was a secret. We would get together till late at night, lie together and just be close. He would call me for hours every night, even if we had just seen each other minutes before. We had to hide, some things can't be shared. It wasn't something I was ashamed of, it was something that just mattered. I wish I could shout it out to the world, of our four month affair. Tangled hair and wild arms, intertwined through months of divine. Sleepless nights, restful days. Every moment together was peace. I saw him the other day, I forgot how much I liked looking at his face. Staring into his eyes. Hearing him joke. Our brief encounter made me remember the desire that we shared, the cosmic connection. It won't be long until I see him once more, maybe more will entail.

I am ashamed to say that I have been hiding from the news of the Tsunami. It wasn't because I didn't care, it was because I didn't want to believe. To think that all of these people had experienced such a tragedy. They say that since September 11th everyone has been waiting for and expecting the next terrorist attack, yet nobody thought it would come from Mother Nature. Over the past couple of days I have stumbled across a few blogs either in support of fundraising efforts or written by those with first hand accounts. After reading the first hand accounts and looking at pictures I began to feel a lot more connected to the event. Twelve hours ago CBC News reported that a 6th Canadian was found dead, and 150 are still missing. If it doesn't hit close enough to home that all these people were killed, then maybe the fact that fellow Canadians were killed will. They say that the majority of those who didn't make it were elderly and children, they simply couldn't get away fast enough. They weren't strong enough to climb over the ocean wall or up the steep hill. They couldn't get to safety. They are saying that you can't walk around the area without coming across a person who has lost someone. I don't think we should just stand idly by and pretend this doesn't effect us, because it does. For once there is nobody to blame, we have to just accept that this has happened. And once you accept that this has change the world in some way, maybe we can ban together and help. The blog world is gigantic, we are able to search for comfort, for admiration, for acceptance, why not for help? I'm not saying we should all go over there and bail out water, clear debris and re-build the coastline. I am saying to do something. I have included below a few different websites for organizations that are accepting donations for this tragedy, do as you wish, you have to make this choice for yourself, I know which choice I am going to make. If you have any doubts, any questions, read Rick Von Feldt's first hand account.

Also, all Canadian's please read "Canada Double Assistance"

Organizations:
Foundation for Co-Existance -"The Foundation for Co-existence is a non-profit making organization currently focused on human security, land mediation, civil society initiatives and policy dialogue to consolidate the peace process. The Eastern Province of Sri Lanka is a particularly volatile and vulnerable area that requires special attention and support."
The South-East Asia Earthquake and Tsunami Blog -Different ways in which you can help, news and information, resources.
Canadian Red Cross
American Red Cross
Action Against Hunger
Habitat for Humanity International
Save the Children

Okay I don't have time to write some long post explaining the antics of the evening... however, I do have my pictures ready and up on the Internet... thank you digital.

So check them out!
New Years 2004 Pictures!

Happy New Year Everyone!!