Looking out the window...

Friday, April 29, 2005

Europe 2005

Wow, so I leave a week Monday! How crazy is that! I'm going for a month, backpacking around Europe, and yes that means a lot of hostels and some showerless days... I'm taking enough clothes for about a week... I WILL be doing laundry but it still seems strange only taking enough clothes for 1/4 of my trip. I'm going to do all the touristy stuff, see the churches and the museums, but I'm also hoping to do what the locals do, sit in cafes sipping espresso watching people pass... eating gelato while walking through a Tuscan outdoor market.... that kind of stuff. I'm doing the adventure sports in Switzerland, you know jumping from thousands of feet above the ground, soaring along side the mountains and between the trees, landing on rolling green hills next to roaring waterfalls.... it's going to be magical. Hopefully I won't kill myself! But just in case something happens, Switzerland is at the end of the trip! In Vienna we might see the Vienna Boys Chior, but apparently you need to get tickets to go to the church!! So we'll see... everything is pretty much up in the air, there are things we really WANT to do but everything else will just be going with the flow. A little of this and a little of that... this trip is supposed to be fun, so we're going to go with whatever Europe throws at us... as they say "When in Rome, do as the Roman's do"

Listed below is where I'm going, let me know if you want a postcard from any of these places and if you want to stay updated along the way via e-mail. You can let me know either by leaving a comment on here or sending me a message.
May 10-12 Paris
May 12-15 Amsterdam
May 15-18 Berlin
May 18-21 Prague
May 21-23 Vienna
May 23-24 Munich
May 24-25 Venice
May 25-28 Rome
May 28-31 Florence
May 31-2 Nice
June 2-5 Lauterbrunnen
June 5-6 Paris

Thursday, April 28, 2005

My apologies...

Hello all, sorry I left that dialogue up for so long with no explanation, but thanks for those of you who were concerned. I had intended on posting my reasoning for it yesterday but one thing led to another and that didn't happen. The post is a part of something I've written/am writing. I don't know where it will lead, I don't even know how I want it to end. But that was the part I had just written, so I shared it with you. Any suggestions on which direction I should go with it? It seems to get written in increments that small. I lose my train of thought, the wheels just stop spinning.

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Yesterday I worked 9-11 at which point I headed into Waterloo for a lunch "meeting" with the Dean of Arts and Andrew (the exact title of which I'm not certain) as well as an assortment of other Arts Council members [there were 8 of us in total]. While I felt bad leaving work I felt somewhat obligated to attend, I am vice-chair next year and felt as though missing the first "meeting" would reflect badly upon me. Besides, the intention was to come back to work after lunch (intentions don't always happen). We had lunch at this Mediterranean place. I'm the first to admit that I'm not an adventurous eater... okay I'm down right picky! So I was a little worried that I wouldn't find anything to eat, everything seemed to have meat in it or on it and most of the dishes had pork or lamb. I went for Chicken Bellisimo, and no, didn't finish it. I haven't really eaten meat for 8 months, so now when I eat it I feel a bit sick, if I eat too much I AM sick. I thought I ate a lot and was proud of myself, Dean Campbell disagreed. Lunch lasted 2 hours! I couldn't believe it! By the time I had gone back to our house and grabbed the rest of my stuff and was actually on the road it was already 3:00, I got back in town around 4:00 and by then didn't see the point in going back to work.

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Last night my Mom and I stopped by my Grandma's house to see how far along Betty (my Uncle's ex wife) had gotten on the painting. We are selling my Grandma's house... actually, the house was sold this afternoon. I was really worried that selling the house would really hurt me. Her house still symbolized "her" to me, so the thought of selling it was kind of like letting that last bit go. When I went over last night I knew very well that it could be my last time, I'm leaving for a month and in a month the house would surely be sold, I thought. I suppose I was right. The house was sold 2 days after being on the market, if we had accepted their initial offer it would have been sold the same day as going on the market. As I walked into her house, the house that my Grandma called home for so many years, raised 5 children in, watched her husband slowly die in, and eventually, also passed away in, for whatever reason, I felt strangely at peace. The house wasn't my Grandma, it was just a house. Sure it was filled with memories, but those memories are also inside of me and inside every other family member. It's nice to see the room that I would play in, or the chair that my Grandma would always sit in, but those are material possessions, and they aren't what make up love and life. The house doesn't smell like her anymore, it smells like paint and cigarettes from my Aunt puffing away. The house which at one time brought me serenity because I could forget she had died now reminds me that even in death she will never be forgotten.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Truth...

"Look you know the truth"

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"Yes you do, stop denying it"

"But I'm sure he wouldn't do that to me"

"You know he has"

"He wouldn't again"

"He would"

"No, I don't think so"

"I know so."

"How"

"It's with me"

I woke up at 8:37 this morning when my Dad yelled upstairs "Are you awake yet?" I yelled back that I was... because I was awake... I wasn't out of bed, but I was awake. I started work at 9:00 so I crawled out of bed and had a shower... took the time to shave my legs then got dressed and brushed my hair. It was so damp that it was almost dripping as I walked out the door. I shouldn't be wearing a coat at this time of year, especially not with a long sleeve shirt and sweater underneath. Work has been slow all day, which makes it boring and makes me want to surf the web instead. I had a doctors appointment at 11:45... that's why I shaved my legs, in case the doctor was hot and he had to brush up against my now smooth calf. He wasn't. It was an appointment with a pediatrist. The foot doctor I call him. I get these wicked calluses playing hockey and usually I just let them wear off while walking barefoot in the summer, but they wil be sore when walking around Europe for a month if I don't do something about them. I think next time I'll just do it myself... he scrapes them off with a scalpel.. I could do that with an exacto knife and not pay $40.00! My Mom bought me McDonalds for lunch... they have those salads which is the only reason we would go there... I think they inject fat into their lettuce leaves because I have felt queasy every since. The chicken breast theory has already been suggested... but that's not why, I only ate a bite of it. The office is quiet, and while the phone rings every once in a while, there is enough time in between that I can hear the thoughts in my head. *SHUT UP IN THERE!*

I typed another post... my damn computer froze so this is what you're reading instead.. I'll post the other tomorrow

And so it begins. I am approximately 30 minutes away from the end of my first official day of work. A 9-5 job for me symbolizes reality. This will eventually be my life. I don't want this life. And yet, secretly, I like my job *shh don't tell*. I mean I hate it because it's the same every day, I roll out of bed at 8:00 climb in the shower, throw on some clothes, make some tea, throw a snack in my purse, drive to work (it's 2 minutes if I get the light), roll with whatever punches are thrown at me, then at 5:00 pack up my stuff, get back in the car, lay down on the couch and veg. Maybe go out after dinner, but be home at a reasonable hour... afterall I have another 9-5 day to come! What's to like, right? Well, those punches I roll with can be boring or exciting. Yes, I admit that sometimes the deals I'm handling excite me. When I get to argue with other lawyers offices or put on a smile while listening to a client ream me out for something that I had no control over. I like talking those people down from the ledge, making them feel better about things, and yes, bitching about them once they leave! I make good money, and if I want time off, I get it... so why do I tell everyone I hate my job so much? Because I'm 19 and would rather be out late partying with my friends. This is reality. And reality bites.

There have been some improvements made to my office since last summer. I now have my own photocopier/printer big mofo unit in here with me, which will save a lot of running back and forth. Plus, I now have my own mini water cooler in here, so I don't have to worry about finishing my Nalgene bottle and having nothing else to drink. There has always been one in another office, but it's not easily accessible.

It's not looking like I will have an assistant, but I never really wanted one last summer anyways.
***

My Dad ordered me a whole shipment of LIVESTRONG bracelets from the states. I have really tiny wrists and the adult ones just fell right off me, but you can't get youth sizes in Canada and I couldn't find any in Arkansas. So without me even knowing, he ordered some. They came in today, so finally I'm sporting yellow.
***

Anyone from "our group" that is reading this... Cassy wants to have a Dino week where we watch movies/tv shows related to dinosaurs and do things related to dinosaurs. PLUS we all want to go camping... so let her know if you want to join us.
***

At the beginning of the week I e-mailed a friend asking if they wanted to do something on Saturday. They said that they were too busy with another commitment and apologized. By the time I had heard back from them I was somewhat glad they couldn't do something because one of my good friends from high school, Amanda, was in town for a couple weeks from Halifax where she goes to school. I found out last night that my friend lied to me and didn't have said previously committed plans... I'm pissed off now.
***

I just found out that my Grandpa fell out of bed last night. Apparently he is okay... the nurses at the hospital said he must have slipped through the rails. I think that they left a rail down. My Grandpa has been immobile for 6 months now and before that he needed help to get up. He cannot even move his legs on his own so how do they expect him to have bent in half and wiggled his body out a 9inch hole!? They are lucky he is okay or else they would have me to deal with. And my Mom. And my Uncle. And everyone else. Maybe next time they will remember to put the rails up when they put him to bed... they better.
***

I leave in exactly 2 weeks!

As of 11:05 this morning I was finished second year of university... how scary is THAT! I wrote the last word of my exam, I think it was "perspective", and realized, this is it... wait... THIS IS IT! It's bittersweet. I'm done which is awesome because exams are incredibly draining, plus now I have summer where I get to go on an awesome trip and make back all the money that is missing from my account, but on the other hand... I love school and will miss it for four months. I will miss the people, the classes, learning new things every day... it's exciting. I'm also not looking forward to third year... then again I wasn't looking forward to second year either. Third year though means changes, so many changes... and decisions, oh the decisions. What am I going to do with my life!? If I'm writing the LSATs then I have to do it next year, I hate standardized testing. Maybe I want to go into journalism, but then I need to become an editor in 4th year at the paper, and need to prepare for it next year by being more involved with production. Maybe I want to... oh I don't know... but I guess I have four months to figure it out...

Third year is scary, and don't even get me started about fourth. If it was up to me, I'd be in school forever! I love it here... Laurier has become my life, and my life rocks.

But now I'm done exams, I'm done with all school related commitments (except paying that parking ticket...err) and I can relax (?). Or at least be busy with other things! I'm going to see one of my good friend this weekend, haven't seen them in what feels like ages... it will be nice to do some catching up. Also, a lot of my friends move home this weekend, some the week after, so that will be nice. Trying to look at the positive... *sigh* I already miss Laurier (and to be honest, I am coming back tomorrow after moving all my stuff home for a meeting, then again next Wednesday so really I haven't left it yet... but I still miss it!)

Below I included an article I wrote for the paper on the thoughts of a second year going into third year:
"I dont know"
Wait, what do you mean there are only four days left of classes!? It can't be true! By now I was supposed to know what I wanted to do with my life, wasn't I?
I'm sure I'm not the only one out there finishing up second year and not having a clue what I want to do with my degree, at least I hope I'm not.
When I came to university last year I definitely thought that by now I would know what to do when I was done with my four years. But now, I'm more confused than ever. I'm half way done, only two more years left here and if I had my way, I'd be a Laurier Lifer.
In first year it is okay to bomb a couple tests and maybe an assignment, you are assured by everyone that life is not over. In second year, the earth shakes a little more, but you say to yourself, there is always next time! But in third year, there is no room for mistakes, yes, you must be perfect. Third year determines whether you get into fourth year, which to me leads to grad school. Dont even get me started about grad school.
I mean, I have walked by the booths and grabbed some pamphlets about this and that, but I haven't actually sat down with them and plotted my future. I kept thinking as I haphazardly threw each new copy into my growing dusty stack that I had time. But where has time gone? Shouldn't I know by now?
"What are you going to do when you graduate?" has become one of the most hated questions to me. As I reply with my "I don't really know" answer they seem to just stare blankly back at me. Yes, I realize I"m paying thousands of dollars for "I dont know."
I guess until I figure it out, at least I'm enjoying myself here, I just hope that I know by this time next year, otherwise, I'm going to really start stressing out!

I went to the doctors office this evening to get my birth control prescription refilled for my trip... I'm a little scared by what they told me. Apparently I am a high risk case for getting blood clots. I realize that everyone has a risk just being on birth control but apparently I'm genetically predisposed. My Grandpa is currently in the hospital suffering strokes, which are caused by blood clots caused by high blood pressure. High blood pressure has been on his side of the family for years and is notorious for causing strokes. Something I only found out last weekend. Plus, my Grandma died in December from a heart attack which is also caused by blood clots. Now in both cases there was a reason, my Grandpa has high blood pressure and my Grandma was overweight. However, since I am on birth control that's my primary concern and my secondary concern is hereditary. My Mom has pointed out that I have never had a problem with high blood pressure and currently don't have a problem with my weight, so I shouldn't be concerned. Apparently studies have been done that show the birth control I'm on has a higher risk of producing blood clots, whereas other studies have been done that show otherwise. I suppose it isn't something I should worry about... I'm healthy right now so it isn't an issue, right? But in any case, it's a little scary.

I don't know about you guys, but I had a pretty good weekend. I woke up on Saturday and was supposed to go to some thing with a friend, Shirley, but had only gotten about 1.5 hours of sleep and felt / looked liked death. I feel really bad still that I cancelled :( [Sorry Shirley!]. Ended sitting in Waterloo studying most of the day, then headed back to Oakville around 3:00. I was planning on making it back before my Mom left for the hospital at 4:30 to feed my Grandpa but she had other plans. We went for coffee at Second Cup and then I helped my Mom with some errands while my Dad went over to Future Shop. He got me this really cool thing for my camera, it's a Quick Recharger for my trip, it comes with a spare battery and recharges in an hour, so I can just sit and wait for it to finish while reading or something at night time and will always have a backup. I just have to get a converter now so it works in Europe... they range in prices but I'm looking at the $10 one.

My neighbour got a new puppy on Saturday so we went over to her house to ooooh and aaaah over it. An 11 week old Sheltie, named Callie. Very cute little fur ball :). Went out for dinner with my parents, then came home to study (which I didn't do haha).

I had previously had plans to do something with someone on Saturday night, pre-Oakville, but they cancelled on me... considering these were long standing plans I was a bit disappointed and didn't know if I would be able to see them before leaving, they made it up to me.

Sunday was boring... fed my Grandpa lunch then went shopping with my Mom, just to some shoe stores, she needs a new pair of black ones (my Brother's dog Monty ate her new pair last summer). Somehow that actually took up the majority of our day... just doing errands like that so I didn't really study much on Sunday either (might be a problem). Mom made a yummy dinner... homecooked food is my favourite.

And then before coming back to Waterloo this morning she made me some mac and cheese to eat for the week... she loves me :) It's my comfort food haha. Had lunch with some Arkansas friends then visited other Arkansas friends who couldn't make it to lunch and now I'm here... writing an incredibly dry and boring post... gee sorry! Okay I'll stop...

Oh... as I was driving back to Waterloo from home I was searching through radio stations looking for the weather [PS it's warm!] and for whatever reason I stopped on a station that I would never have normally listened to and was struck by a song that normally wouldn't have interested me. "Home" by Michael Buble. You have to keep in mind that I listen to Punk Rock music, so this is completely different from anything I ever listen to... but it just described my life very well... some parts don't apply, but most of it, speaks to me.

I feel absolutely FANTASTIC! I pulled an all nighter last night, went to bed at 6:30am then got up in the morning to continue working on it. I finished at 1:40pm exactly 20 minutes before my Cord (school newspaper) meeting started. So I pressed print, jumped in the shower threw on some clothes and ran out the door. I should mention that today was the first day in almost a week that I haven't been in sweatpants, which is quite a feat for me during exams! Made it to my meeting with about 30seconds to spare, out of breath because I had run up a hill... weak I know haha. The meeting was great, just an opener for next year, a meet and greet with the new editor. I opted out of writing a specific section [in the larger section of Student Life] and instead will just write as assigned on a weekly basis. The theme that Michelle wants to use next year is "trends". And she said I was trendy! I have never been called trendy in my life, it made me smile on the inside as I denied it on the outside. "I shop at American Eagle" I said... but in reality, I felt good today. I love this outfit, it just makes me feel pretty and summery :) So here it is:

And now... I'm going to pack some things to move home and study for my last two exams next week :) I'm looking forward to this upcoming weekend, have a lot of fun stuff planned! Have a great Friday everyone... the sun is shining, the birds are chirping and it's a FANTASTIC day!

One love! one heart!
Let's get together and feel all right.
Hear the children cryin' (one love!);
Hear the children cryin' (one heart!),
Sayin': give thanks and praise to the lord and I will feel all right;
Sayin': let's get together and feel all right. wo wo-wo wo-wo!

Let them all pass all their dirty remarks (one love!);
There is one question I'd really love to ask (one heart!):
Is there a place for the hopeless sinner,
Who has hurt all mankind just to save his own beliefs?

One love! what about the one heart? one heart!
What about - ? let's get together and feel all right
As it was in the beginning (one love!);
So shall it be in the end (one heart!),
All right!
Give thanks and praise to the lord and I will feel all right;
Let's get together and feel all right.
One more thing!

Let's get together to fight this holy armagiddyon (one love!),
So when the man comes there will be no, no doom (one song!).
Have pity on those whose chances grows t'inner;
There ain't no hiding place from the father of creation.

Sayin': one love! what about the one heart? (one heart!)
What about the - ? let's get together and feel all right.
I'm pleadin' to mankind! (one love!);
Oh, lord! (one heart) wo-ooh!

Give thanks and praise to the lord and I will feel all right;
Let's get together and feel all right.
Give thanks and praise to the lord and I will feel all right;
Let's get together and feel all right.

For whatever reason today while washing dishes I had this overwhelming urge come over me that I wanted to name my future daughter after my Grandma. I have never liked her name, I'll be honest, it's too old school for my tastes. But recently I found out that she had a nickname, and that nickname has stuck with me. My Grandma's name is.. was... Eleanor, and as a child and teenager she went by Ellie. I like that name a lot. My future daughter's middle name was already predetermined as Elaine. It was my Grandmother Seipp's middle name, it is my my Mom's middle name and my middle name. So to honor both Grandmas would be special. Eleanor (Ellie) Elaine... I like the ring to that.

Honestly, I just posted about that, something I normally wouldn't even tell anyone, because I have nothing else to say. I'm in extreme study mode right now for my exam tomorrow and haven't done anything BUT study. Well I talked to a friend today, which was nice and made plans for the weekend, but that was just a quick break while I ate my first meal of the day.... yeah that's right, when I get stressed I don't eat... so I guess exams are good for weight loss haha.

Tomorrow is my hardest exam... hardest because it's deferred from December when my Grandma died... wish me luck, I'll need it!

So I had a very cool weekend. On Friday I saw the Vagina Monologues, mostly because Shirley was in it. Overall I liked it, but there were some monologues that were kind of dry. Shirley did great though. Went with Hayley, Julie and Courtney but saw a bunch of people that I knew there... it seems like the same group of people always attends these things at Laurier. Went home after the show was over because I had a doctor's appointment in the morning. I got to call Lija and we talked for about an hour and a half... it's a good thing we have an amazing long distance plan! I had the hardest time sleeping, I ended up getting an hour and a half of sleep and it was rocky.

My Mom came in my room early Saturday morning, I had been asleep for about 45 minutes at that point. She asked me what kind of homemade cookies I wanted and I choose chocolate chip... isn't she awesome! After another 45 minutes of sleep I got dressed and came downstairs, she already had cookies cooling on the counter and was finishing up making a big bowl of homemade mac and cheese. After the doctor and visiting Grandpa, my parents went into Toronto for the homeshow so I decided to stay in Oakville to study.

On Sunday I went back to the doctors, he is a family friend so he said we could come in and see him outside of office hours on Sunday and he would adjust me again (it's a chiropractor). [I seem to have compressed disks in my lower back so sitting for a long time is painful... after my two adjustments I can sit for about two hours before the pain starts, which is a HUGE improvement.] It was a very special day at the hospital, my Aunt Ruth came to visit my Grandpa with her daughter Dar. My Aunt Ruth is my Grandpa's sister and she is 87 years old. She is so "with it". And if you want to be a little scared... she still drives! I haven't seen my Aunt Ruth in years, the last time I saw her was at her daughter's funeral, my cousin, in 1999, but she doesn't remember that day so the last time she saw me I was 7. So it was good to see her. My Uncle brought me the address of our relatives in Germany. They are "long lost". They contacted my Aunt Ruth a few years back which I find very cool. Okay, so my Grandpa's Grandpa, William Seipp came to Canada from Germany back in the 1800s sometime and obviously he left behind family. So these are my great-great-Uncle's descendants. How cool is that! So I got home, and searched the German White pages online, and found their phone number. So I called. Talked to Germany for about an hour, (another huge phone bill) and unfortunately they aren't close enough that I can visit them when I'm over there, but we will definitely keep in contact through e-mail. I talked to the wife (who never introduced herself to me) the husband, Winfried, and their oldest daughter, Kristine. They have 3 children, Kristine, Daniel and Laura. And Kristine is the same age as me! I just find that so cool, and she wants to come to Canada to work for a year.

I e-mailed them last night just to make sure I had the e-mail addresses right and have already heard back from Daniel. He has so many questions and I know I have a lot of questions too.

I had a great weekend, just wrote an exam, one of the easiest in my life. I finished in 20 minutes and knew every single answer without even thinking twice.

Thanks for sticking in and reading this long :)

Something has been really bothering me lately, and maybe if I write about it I will start to feel better, maybe not. I have been thinking a lot about the value of money. People have opened their mouths in awe at me when I have told them how much my trip would cost. They think it's disgusting that I would be willing to spend that much money on one month abroad. Why is that so bad?

I grew up with money and I didn't even know it. I remember at one point saving everything I had to give to my parents because I thought they needed it, I was wrong, but to tell you the truth, I thought they were only turning down my offer because they were too proud, so instead, I stopped asking for candy. When I grew up I didn't know not having things. If I needed a new bike, I got one. New clothes for school? Every September. But I was never spoiled, at least not what spoiled is to me. My parents didn't give me everything I wanted, and I was hardly free to do as I pleased. I had to be in bed by 9 or 10, depending on how old I was, and if I wanted a toy, too bad unless it was my birthday or Christmas. Yet, I still had everything. Yet, from my upbringing, I will never take away money. I don't know if it's how I was raised or if it's how I interpreted it, but to me, money is something that can make people happy, I'm not one of them.

Sure, money is great, who wouldn't love to have the best clothes and the fastest cars? I remember this one time, I was 8 or 9 and it was Big Garbage Day. We have this one time of year when my posh town gets down and dirty. Boulevards are piled high with peoples trash, tables, chairs, broken ovens, everything that you can't throw away on a normal basis. The clutter in your life. All the kids in the neighborhood would take out their wagons and look for treasures. People would throw away the most amazing things, at least to a kid. One persons trash is another persons treasure. You could find old records, cue balls, ping pong paddles, useless stuff, but amazing to a kid. I yanked out my wagon and told my Mom that Elizabeth and I were just going to walk to her house (around the corner) to look for some treasures of our own. It was magical, I remember being so excited. My Mom pulled me aside and told me I couldn't go. It wouldn't be right to see the daughter of a lawyer rummaging through people's trash. What if a client saw? What if! I was a kid, how could THAT portray a bad image on anyone. I was a kid, looking for my own treasures. Nothing new and expensive could fill that void. I wanted to explore. It was more than just getting something, it was how I got it and imagining what it had been used for and by whom.

As I got older I began to hate money. I hated what it did to people. I watched my parents yell at my brother because he had wasted so much money on an education he could never use because he just didn't try. I watched them fight with him to pay bills, to get a job, to become someone, anyone. And I hated money. Why does money have to define a person? Why? Because a person is determined by their marketable value. Yes, there are people who have come beyond this distinction, Mother Teresa showed the world the power of love. Many others came before her and many more will come after, yet why does the media focus more so on the market?

I have now reached a point in my life where I can make my own decisions, and nobody can tell me that those decisions are wrong. Some may try, but unless I decide for myself that I have been mistaken, I won't change my mind. I was raised with money, I will probably have money my whole life. But more importantly, I will have love. I would give everything I had for my family and my friends. Money means nothing if you don't have someone to share it with. Maybe that's why I was raised not knowing what money was, because my parents decided to show me love instead. Or maybe, I just got that on my own. But no matter what happens in my future, the only thing that is a guarantee is that I will. Have. Love.

And this summer, as I am burning through as much money as I can, I will be making memories with one of my best friends and I will never forget them. And when I come back, I will make more money, because that's how society works. But you just wait, there will be BBQs and concerts with friends to come, because money, can be replaced and love, can't.

[I wrote this yesterday but Blogger was down and I couldn't post it]

There is something I have been meaning to post about, something that has really been bothering me the past week or so. I am not religious, in fact I am one of the least religious people you will ever meet, no offence to anyone who disagrees with me on this, but I think organized religion is corrupted. Yet, I find myself drawn to the death of the Pope. Why? I don't know. I am against, I would say 95% of what the Pope believed in, and yet, his death just seems like the ending of an era. Maybe because he has been the only Pope in my lifetime, or maybe just because you can't pick up a newspaper or turn on the TV without hearing something about him. But in any case I find myself following the whole ordeal. The funeral, the will, and more importantly, who is going to replace him. I like that they are thinking about replacing Pope John Paul with someone more new age... but I doubt it will happen, at least not to the standards that I would like. For me I would want someone who doesn't oppose contraceptives, abortion, or same sex marriage. But some things will never change and I can accept that. But I can also not follow their teachings.

Another thing that has bothered me with the passing of the Pope are the screen names on my MSN changing. Suddenly everyone has PJPII RIP or something to that extent. I know for a fact that half if not more of these people are anti-religious. True, some may have been raised with a religious background, but they abandoned it years ago and suddenly when there is a cause to support so they are back on the bandwagon. I just find it fake, that's all.

We all have our opinions about the Pope and religion and how things should be... I have shared some of mine, care to share yours?

I wake up, I go to the bathroom, check my e-mail and see what's going on in blog land, then I wrap myself in my Mexican blanket and pull out my books to study. This is my life. At least for the next month it is. I am in the middle of exams and quite frankly, it sucks. Normally I would say that my exam schedule is pretty great this semester, because quite frankly, it is. But, then there is that one exam destined to throw me for a loop, and it is too. I have 5 courses this semester, a normal course load. I was going to have 6 but with everything going on at home decided that I should just focus on my 5 and still have time to visit my family. Out of those 5 exams two of my courses are full year, one of which has a take home exam. Out of the other 3 I only have 2 exams, yeah that's right, one of my courses just doesn't have one, how awesome is that! So that's a nice 4 exams, something I can happily deal with... then I remember the hated one. Last semester I decided to defer an exam so that I could go home and do the mourning thing. I'm thinking now that might have been a mistake, because I will have to write this exam for a course I haven't even thought about for 4 months. *Sigh* It will be okay though... right? So this is my schedule:
April 11th: Inequality
April 14th: Physical Anthropology (the deferred examination)
April 15th: Social Theory (take-home examination due)
April 20th: Qualitative Methods
April 21st: Interpretive Perspective: Crime

So still, I only have 5, and if that one wasn't thrown in there from last semester I wouldn't be sweatin it... but I am a little nervous, I'll admit that.

I find a surprising amount of comfort studying on campus curled up on one of the couches. I don't know if it's because I'm surrounded by people or what, but it's very comforting. I spent 3 hours doing it yesterday and I got a lot accomplished. I think today I'm going to stay here and just work on typing up everything I completed yesterday, but we'll see.

***
I had the strangest dream last night. We were in some strange American city, I don't know where and staying in a Walmart, I don't know why. Anyways, I went for a walk to Walgreens and as I was standing in line I remembered that they didn't take Canadian debit cards, so I put back my peanut M&Ms and my bag of Easter eggs and just took the Altoid Sours. I had gone in just for them, they were my goal, the other stuff was just on the way so I grabbed it. When I was in Arkansas in February I got some Sours in Raspberry at Walgreens and they are running low... I'm pretty sure that's where the dream came from. They are super good :). Anyways, after Walgreens, with my Altoids in my purse, I headed to this other store right across from the Walmart that sold second hand stuff. At least that's what I thought when I got in there, I don't remember what it was called but the name didn't suit it at all. There were a lot of people in the store and this one girl was looking at a dress with her Dad in a size 9, I remember thinking she wasn't a size 9 and should be getting a 3 or something like that. I left the store and ran back over to Walmart because my Mom was locking it up, then later we went swimming in some hotel pool. It was a strange dream... and I didn't even get any Altoid Sours for real! hehe

Have a great Thursday... it's raining here sadly.

Yesterday was my last day of classes. I debated between posting about that instead of my Aunt, not because I don't miss her, but because she was a very live in the moment kind of person, she wouldn't have wanted anyone dwelling on her death but learning from her life. However, I decided that I would do both things for her. I spent my day smiling and laughing, having a fantastic time and living as is there would be no tomorrow and then, came home and wrote my tribute to her.

Yesterday was one of the best days I have had in a while. I don't think I have smiled so much since last time it was warm outside. There is just something about the nice weather and sunshine that brings out this inner happiness in me. It doesn't help that this winter kind of sucked for me in the personal matter department. Anyways, I slept in, which was lovely, felt rested and happy, got dressed in a new light pink sweater (very light weight) with three quarter length sleeves and a nice round neckline that made me feel beautiful, I paired it with my favourite baggy cargo pants and a some neon pink sandals with my black bubble vest, then threw some sunglasses on my head grabbed my black and white flower purse, my backpack and a gigantic bag full of 18 library books and I was out the door. Nancy and I have been lazy lately and have driven to school the past week... mostly because the sidewalk has been one large puddle as the snow melts, but in this case also because of the library books weighing more than me. We pull onto the street that I always park my car on and there are no spots. I could have driven around the block and parked on the neighbouring street, still only a 5 minute walk to campus but decided to risk it, and parked in the school parking lot. It's behind St Mikes so I knew the parking services people wouldn't be there as often as in the other lots, but I was still taking a risk parking there for 3 hours when I shouldn't be there at all. Walk into school... or rather stroll, drop off my books and wander around campus with Nancy. Lazily stopping at Tim Hortons for an Ice Capp with chocolate milk and a chocolate dip donut (thanks to my roll up the rim winning). Finally we are forced to make our way to class, Nancy and I split and she goes to her business world and I to my arts world. Class was fast paced and everyone was relaxed because of the weather. We did some review for the exam and found out which ten sections we needed to study. She gives us the questions in advance so this just makes it all the better. I hope to ace this exam, it's Social Inequality and I am very interested in it. After class I look for people in the Concourse that I can sit and chat with but it's practically empty, everyone is already home and studying, most classes were cancelled on Monday anyways. I make my way back through St Mikes and through the parking lot to my car expecting to see the little white slip waving in the wind. I see a puddle and make it across alright, reach my car and my heart stops. There... is... no... ticket! I smiled all the way home listening to Bob Marley's "Jammin'". Go into my room, have a fantastic conversation with an old friend and do some studying. Then it turned bitter. I had a fight with one of my roommates and contemplated moving out later that week, I have now decided to stick it out, a fights a fight not the end of the world. This was the first fight I have had with anyone in the house and it stressed me out so much I was physically ill.

All is well now, I slept on it and while things aren't resolved I awoke feeling relaxed. Stepped out into the warm sunshine and just let it embrace me as I soaked in it's energy. Then hesitantly drove myself to school to meet with Shirley to study for an exam. We studied for a long while and got a lot accomplished, then I drove her to get some second hand thing at a woman's house and to her house so she could change for an interview. Still in high spirits, we drove back to school and wandered a bit since we had 30 minutes to kill before our 5:00 meetings. Made our way to the Student publications office and filled out an application for next year writing for the paper, grabbed a bottle of water from the Caf and we split our separate ways. I had a training session for LIFE (Laurier International Friendship Exchange) which was supposed to take 45 minutes. It was done in 15. Went to dinner after with some Arkansas friends then made my way back here where I am currently watching Amazing Race :)

Let's keep the smile alive tomorrow... please no rain!

A year ago today my Aunt passed away from unknown causes. She was healthy, happy and unaware that she wouldn't wake up the next morning. It took us all by surprise. When my Brother told me on MSN I instantly called my Mom because I didn't believe him. But it was true. They were going to do an autopsy, we were never told the results, but I hope whatever they were, they helped my Uncle sleep better at night. Diane was an awesome person, I knew that without even really knowing her. They weren't legally married but had been together for 10 years, living together off an on... one of my cousins has had some psychological problems so when she moved in with her Dad, Diane moved out. It made the space more comfortable for Paula. But Diane has just been there for a long time, it seems as though she was part of the family I suppose. She had been married once before and from that marriage had a son, Sean. Her first husband passed away the year before her death, Sean has been going through a rough period. Sean had a baby a few years back, he has been in a custody battle since her birth. But at least Diane got to be a Grandma. I think that's very important. A year has passed, I know for those who were the closest to her this is when they can start to truly heal. Rest in Peace, Diane.

The winning team... I'm on the right end (while looking at it) in the front row

Well in case you didn't gather from the title we won. YAY! I'm surprisingly not as happy as you would think... I think it's because it's so bittersweet. We won but now I'm done. The game was kind of tense... it ended really fast (or so it seemed) and I think I played awesome (not to toot my own horn or anything... but who else would do it haha). Anyways we played hard during the first period, endured 2 penalties and still held them off. Then with 2 minutes 30 seconds left in the game, with a full line on the ice, they took a shot from out by the boards and it just... went in. It was a pretty nice goal, I'll give them that. We were shattered, heartbroken. The whole second period went scoreless (although we did manage one more penalty). We were scared at this point. The third period brought no luck... we shot and we shot and none of them went in, we had some horrible luck. But we backchecked like nobodies business and they didn't score. Then, with only seven minutes left in the game... we scored! It was unbelievable, we came back with a vengeance. I don't think our team has ever had that much energy as they were faced with the prospect of winning the game. Then with only 2 minutes left in the game, we skated in with the puck, it was Jenn, Kerry and I. Jenn knocked it off the boards, swooped in, went around a girl, tapped it to Kerry and SCORE WE WERE IN FIRST! We just had to keep them from scoring for 2 minutes... we cut them off at every chance they got and outplayed them by a million. The buzzer went and as we all piled onto the ice and jumped our goalie we realized, we were the champions.

If you would like to see more photos please go here We are the blue team... I am number 3 with the white helmet and the blue nike shorts.

Trophy.. we also got personal ones which you can see in the back...