I have as of recently begun hanging out with a boy from my past. He has remained in my past for a few years now, just out of reach but always there when needed. I remember every moment that we have shared alone with complete clarity. I remember every smile, every laugh, every forbidden graze and touch. I remember how we babysat together and he convinced the sweet little girl to tickle me until I cried. I remember all of the times that he hurt me without intending and made me smile because he hated my frown.

It was since the day that we met that I have felt something for this boy. I coveted each smile he threw my way and relished in our long conversations. It was with sadness that we drifted apart, not because of our own lives but because of the lives of those around us and their increasing demands. Now, we have found ourselves back at a place where we can spend time reminiscing and talking about the future. We are able to spend a warm summer evening outside and can talk without boundaries.

The problem is, I liked those boundaries. It is because of those boundaries, those external reasons that we have remained such close friends and never crossed that dangerous line to 'something more'. The idea of losing that, of never again having such an amazing confidant scares me, but the idea of never having something that could be so perfect is also intimidating. So here I sit, at a crossroad where I am as much in charge as I can be and I just don't know which way to turn the wheel. I have to be careful or else I'm going to go speeding forward and miss it all.

****

It's a long weekend and I'm heading to Ottawa to celebrate. Happy Canada Day!!

Labels: Relationships

I have had a few posts written in my head for a couple of weeks now. The problem is, they are in my head and I haven't taken the time to write them out. It isn't really that I don't have the time, I could squeeze in 15 minutes but for whatever reason I haven't been able to and usually it's 4:53 when I have a spare second and would rather leave right at 5:00 then stay in the office for an extra ten minutes. Realistically, I usually don't end up leaving the office until around 5:30 but it's still nice to dream of leaving on time. In any case, I haven't been blogging and I have wanted to so, I'm making it my goal to post something, anything today, tomorrow and on Friday.

Today, my good friend Jason is embarking on a journey of a lifetime. I'm very proud of him and all that he will accomplish with this trip and hope that some of you may be interested in supporting him, and his companion on this journey, Kylie. Leaving from Vancouver, British Columbia, Jason and Kylie are planning to bike across Canada 6,500kms towards St. John's, Newfoundland to raise money for the World University Services Canada (WUSC) to support local partner organizations in Malawi through the Uniterra Bike for AIDS program. Jason is biking across Canada. CANADA. Hello, this is the second largest country in the world by total land area. BIG. Canada is big. Have you SEEN our mountains? Yeah, so Jason and Kylie are BIKING (on PEDAL bikes) across this country and are doing so just to raise money. Personally, I think that this is incredible. Jason and Kylie are not professionals, they are university students who saw the chance to make a difference and invested their bodies and souls into helping.

A great website has been set up following their journey, who they are, what they are doing and why, and a link for donations.

Even if you cannot spare a few dollars to donate please stop by the website and give them your support. Or, if you live in Canada and you have an empty bed along the way I know that hey would be more than willing to accept.

Jason and Kylie Bike Across Canada for AIDS -2006
About Us
Our Goal
Follow the Journey

DONATE

Labels: Values

I promise that I won't guest blog on Shirley's blog again until I have written something on here... promise!!

Labels: Shirley

I just walked down to the convenience store to grab something for lunch. I didn't have time this morning to make myself anything and while my Mom would normally pick up the slack she is out for lunch with friends and doesn't have time. I resisted the urge to eat only chips for lunch and wandered over to the frozen meals on the back wall. They stock Michelina's. I picked Fettucine Alfredo simply because it was the only one in their small selection that did not have any meat. I was fine with this. After paying and walking back to the office this is what happened:

Secretary 1: What did you get?
Me: One of those Michelina's that Secretary 2 always gets.
Secretary 2: Ooh, which one?
Me: Fettucine Alfredo, it was the only one without meat, I hope it tastes alright.
Secretary 1: Do you not eat meat?
Me: Nope
Secretary 1: Since when?
Me: Off and on since about 2003 but I haven't had any meat at all for about a year.
Secretary 1: Well, you really should eat chicken or fish.
Me: But, I don't eat meat.
Secretary 1: But you really should, it's better for you.
Me: Yes, but I don't eat meat. I get my iron and protein from other sources.
Secretary 1: You should really change that, it's so much better for you to just eat meat. At least fish or chicken.
Me: But I don't like either of those which is part of the reason why I don't eat any meat.

At this point I walked away and into my office. I hate that people a) think it's their place to tell me what I should and should not do when it comes to my health and b) blatantly disregard my choice because they think that they know better. Yes, there are some health risks associated with not eating meat but this doesn't mean they aren't avoidable. It's annoying and it's rude and it really pisses me off. I'm now going to go and eat my meat free lunch and enjoy every bite.

Labels: Misc

I think this is something that I have recently been lacking. I haven't been posting, but I have been reading other people's blogs and occasionally commenting on their lives (which btw are WAY interesting than mine). My weekend was alright, I spent time with friends and went into Waterloo. On Saturday, my Don from first year, Amy, arranged a dinner so that we could see her before she moves to Edmonton. It was nice. Afterwards I was able to watch the game (yeah, at least THAT was a good game).

Speaking of which, since it's the damn elephant in my room. Edmonton lost last night. They lost lost lost lost lost! The cup hasn't been in Canada since 1993. That's one hell of a long time. The ONLY consolation for Carolina winning is that there are 11 Canadians on their team including the captain two assistant captains and the goalie. PLUS the first two people to touch the cup were Canadians. These are small in the big picture but I'm looking for the silver lining. Oh yeah, AND Ward (Canadian, woohoo) is the youngest goalie to ever win the Stanley Cup and he received the Conn Smythe Trophy.

Anyways, nothing overly exciting is happening in my life right now. I registered for classes on Monday at 12:01am. It was horrible and time consuming. Everyone in fourth year honours signs on at the same time and the system basically crashes making a simple task last hours. Hours. I was exhausted at work yesterday after getting very minimal sleep. By the time it was 5:00 the desire to go to the gym was zero, but I did and after felt a little more awake.

This is honestly all I've got right now. I was going to write an angry tirade about how my Father didn't deserve my kind words on Sunday but didn't because I worry that if I write something bad about someone that they will die and I will forever feel guilty. I'm sure it isn't supposed to work like that. Anyways, I'll try again later.

Labels: Father, Hockey

Ideas that I have had to write about in past three days:
1) Birds pooping. Do you think that it is freeing to be able to poop anywhere? Do they get satisfaction from pooping on people's cars and heads? How come they don't poop in convertible more often? A bird pooped in my Dad's convertible the other day.
2) How I am so bad at bowling. Five pin. I sucked. The Littles beat me bad.
3) Does anyone else have a secret wish to write a book? Do you think that these blogs are kind of helping to document things and ideas so that in the future if you want to write a book you have the resources right at your finger tips? I would love to have my name adorned to the cover of a novel but for now, this will do.
4) Is there any point in Friday? I mean, we just look forward to the day being over. We don't do work on it as we sit around counting down the hours. It is just impeding us from the weekend. I think that we should get rid of Friday.
5) Do you ever wonder what other Bloggers look like? I have seen pictures of most of my 'regular' reads but not all of them. I post pictures of myself all the time but most people don't.
6) My Mom cut herself today and needed 3 stitches. I fell off my bike the summer before grade 7 and the pedal of my bike went into my leg and pulled out all of my 'insides'. It was nasty. I needed 6 stitches but the doctor did it wrong and inverted them. They had to dig around in my skin to get the stitches out. It hurt.

Even with ideas, I have no time to write today. Or yesterday, or the day before. Sometimes work can really get in the way of my blogging. I'll try again tomorrow!

Labels: Misc

Horrible, horrible horrible. On Friday June 9th it was my second Blogiversary and I forgot. I feel like a guilty parent who just told their child that they couldn't have a popsicle. At the same time, I think that if I did record this day on my calendar people would look at me with fear and disdain. They wouldn't want to be my friend and I would be lonely. I would also have nothing to write about because I would be home alone all the time sitting in a corner and rocking. Even though I'm slightly OCD I let this day go by unnoticed. This morning I was sitting here thinking and wondering when my Blogiversary was since I knew it was in June. I scrolled to June 2004 in my archives and low and behold, my first entry was the 9th. Today is the 12th. Shit. Oh well. Last year I dutifully checked when my Blogiversary would be before leaving for Europe so that I would ensure a post upon return. Last year I was on the ball and posted all of the things that had happened in the previous year. I talked about all of the highs and lows of my year. Last year, I cared. This year, I'm tired and cranky and want to go back to bed because believe it or not when my parents are away for a whole weekend I don't sleep well. I roll and flop and kick myself in the leg. I lie awake watching movies and reading books and then when the sun rises I too rise.

Here is a quick recap of the past year:
-In June I returned from Europe and went to Jen and Matt's wedding at Casa Loma
-In July I worried about my friends in London as we listened to reports of terrorist bombings.
-In August I went to the Backstreet Boys concert with Shirley, I spent a day at African Lion Safari with Hannah, and I went skydiving for the first time (also with Shirley).
-In September I started my third year of university and began my work with Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Kitchener-Waterloo. Also, I began to organize the plethora of fundraisers for Habitat for Humanity that would continue over the year.
-In October I went to a Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game with Tom, I went skydiving for the second time, and I turned twenty (and here)
-In November I left blogging, and then returned
-In December I wrote exams, my Grandma was gone for one year as was Sydney.
-In January I went on an awesome ski trip with Mike, Yoav and Maarten and I got my hair cut off.
-In February I spoke on behalf of Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Kitchener-Waterloo and went to Georgia with Habitat for Humanity.
-In March I became fed up with the work and stress of school.
-In April I had way too many all-nighters (ex one and two), I wrote my finals, and finished third year. I also went to another Leafs game and my second nephew Joel was born. Also in April my friend Meghann's Dad died and things changed for everyone.
-In May I tried to have fun.

Hopefully this next year will be just as exciting. With just as many ups as downs. It will teach me lessons even if they are hard. I will be happy and I will be content. A year is a long time but only if you make it count.

Labels: Blogiversary, Recaps

I was all ready to post on Wednesday and then also on Thursday but both days Blogger was being S-T-U-P-I-D! Yes, stupid. I don't know if everyone else was having the same problems, but I could not sign in. Anyways, when I woke up on Wednesday morning my back was better. I was finally able to stretch my body to it's full extent, squirm around every which way and put on my own shoes. At lunch I went to the convenience store and I could reach the bottle of iced tea that was on the top shelf. When I dropped a file on the floor I could bend down to pick it up. Wednesday was a good day. Not just because of my back though, while that did raise my enjoyment, Wednesday was also great because I went into Waterloo. Yes, Waterloo that I have been counting down the days until I move back to (2 months, 3 weeks and 3 days). I had a meeting with Big Brothers Big Sisters (group starts again next week and then every other week until mid-August) and it was fabulous. The drive down wasn't too slow, I got off of work 10 minutes early just in case, but it was fine. The meeting was great, I have a serious (fake) crush on my case worker. I don't have a romantic crush but I just think he is a great person and I love his job (I want it) and if he was younger I would want to be his friend. In any case, we got to chat before and after the meeting. He asked me to take part in this special program, I don't really know the details right now but I would be piloting a group to promote healthy living in tweens. It's something I am going to consider, which is what I told him. Next week I will get the binder explaining everything in detail. After the meeting I got to sit in my house and chat with my roommate, see my bedroom (which I've missed) and pet the cat. I went out for dinner with Jamie and we caught up on the last couple of months. It was nice. I miss Waterloo!!

Yesterday, I woke up and my back was in pain again. It was just as bad as on the Tuesday and as if Wednesday had never happened. I was shocked. I spent the day slunched and winging. Went back to the chiropractor (it was already scheduled but I didn't think it would hurt again!) and he said that I will have to wait until my back has been better for three days before I'm 'allowed' to go back to the gym. I have another appointment with him on Monday. As of right now my back is okay, I hope that tomorrow isn't like Thursday because it will be a long long weekend if it is.

As for now, I'm getting off work early because The Boss isn't in and the sun is shining!

Labels: Big Sisters, Work

After work I generally go to the gym. I say generally because about 85% of the time I forget to bring my gym bag to work with me and I have to go home first. In any case, yesterday I went to the gym. After returning home my body had that just worked out warm muscle feeling and I kept trying to stretch out my already injured back. I have compressed disks in my back, I get them fixed occasionally, but in general I just live with the pain and pressure. Anyways, yesterday I was trying to invert myself to relieve some of the pressure, we have an inversion table (where you hang by your feet while strapped to a see-saw type of board) but I was just hanging over at the waist. As I stood up I twisted slightly to the side and felt searing pain in my right side. I started to panic when I realized that I could not stand up straight. At first I thought it was like when you turn your head too fast and get a kink in your neck, but the pain didn't go away. I spent the majority of the evening lying flat on my back unable to move. Eventually, I had to move, so I rolled myself off the couch, walked my bent body around the house. This morning I woke up and things weren't much better although I was able to stand up straight enough that I didn't look like an idiot at the office. I spent an hour and a half at the chiropractor around lunch time and tomorrow I have to go back for more. At one point he grabbed my vertebrae and pulled or pushed or something but it made my whole body go numb from the intense pain. I'm not allowed to go to the gym tonight, which is fine because I couldn't carry my gym bag down the stairs!

I had three amazing women give me advice to my last post, all three of them told me to be honest with my friend, that she would understand and maybe instead to go somewhere closer. They were all right in everything they said and yet, I lied. Well, that sounds worse than it actually is, I sort of told the truth. You see, one of the girls at the office will be away the second of the two weeks Meghann has off from her work, if we went on the trip it would have been a Thursday to Thursday kind of deal which therefore falls in the week that she would be gone. I cannot by any means take that week off of work, there is no chance. She suggested we go the first of the two weeks, the woman at the office is only gone the second, but there is where I lied and said that she would be gone both weeks. I'm a coward. I have the money so saying that I didn't felt mean. I'm saving that money for my trip next year, and I knew that saying I was saving it for something bigger and better wouldn't go over well. So we may go on a smaller trip, just three or four days, maybe out to Halifax to see our good friend. We'll see. I feel kind of crappy because she was so looking forward to the trip, and she did understand, kind of, but she kept saying how much fun it would have been.

Anyways, enough of that. On the weekend I went to Wonderland, Meghann and I bought Season's Passes so we're planning on going a lot. I slept a lot on the weekend, I am kind of worried about the tiredness my body is experiencing. It doesn't seem healthy and if I wasn't so freaked out by needles I would get some blood work done.

I can't believe it's only Monday, this is going to be a long week.

Ever since Meghann's Dad passed away I have felt as if I need to be a better friend to her. At the time I knew that the only thing we could do for her was to be there, and even now, after a month has passed being there is our sole purpose. However, because of this I feel guilty and selfish when I miss one of her phone calls or haven't called her for a while. When she asks me to do something and I have other plans I worry that she really needed me, in most cases she does not. Very shortly after her Dad passed away she suggested that we take a trip together, I thought that she was just being rash and trying to avoid homelife, which may be true, but she was also serious. Now, she is pushing me to book this trip, wanting to look at prices and book accommodation, and I am starting to get nervous. While I love to travel and think that it would in fact be a lot of fun to travel with her, I had not budgeted a trip into my summer. I have these plans for next summer that are elaborate and costly, they make my bank account hurt when I think about them and my heart hurt when I think about canceling them. I am saving for that trip. I think that I would be a bad friend if I bailed on her, I don't want her to think that I'm not there for her and I don't want her to be upset because of this. She has had enough to deal with. So this morning I spent some time researching flight information to Scotland, looking at possible attractions and checking out the driving laws. I can't tell her no, I can't break her heart, I guess this means I'm going to Scotland, I hope it's cheap!

I don't know if others would do the same, I don't know many people who have lost a parent, certainly none of my very close friends. My neighbour was more like family, so that just isn't the same. Even though she is very strong, she is fragile, and I want her to know that I'm there for her. What would you do?

Labels: Friends

Today is one of those days where you look at the clock expecting it to say 1:00 or maybe even 1:30 and it says 11:56. That's AM people, this is going to be a long day.